(B01C01) Chapter 1: The Kingdom

People have often told me that “life is what you make of it.” Personally, I believe this is very true. However, we can take it to mean two entirely different things. In one aspect, we could simply take it as the belief that our perception will eventually shape the course of our entire lives--for better or for worse. We can either see the world as beautifully in balance or as a problem that constantly needs to be fixed.

The other way we can understand this quote takes on an entirely different dimension. Consider the possibility that you could actually “make” this world—as in physically transform it—in exactly the way that you see fit. Of course, I would be talking about enacting a certain “magic” into the world. With one flick of a magic wand, we could each reshape the world around us in such a way that it “makes sense”--at least to us, anyway.

The problem with this, of course, is that every single one of us has that same wish. As much as we want the world to revolve around us, we have to account for every other person who is attempting to do the exact same thing as we are. And so, the only difference between those who seem to be successful in doing so are the ones who truly believe—without a doubt—that they can. Those are the people who actually end up changing the world.

Those who succeed make the entire world their personal kingdom. When I was a child, I wanted to be one of those people. I never really wanted to have power or rule over anyone else. What I wanted was similar to what anyone else wants in this world—at their core. I wanted the world to be a safe place to be whatever I wanted to be, without having to worry about someone telling me how (or what) to do. I guess you could say that I had a bit of a problem with authority. It wasn't because I tried to rebel against my parents; not at all, actually. I loved my parents. I loved them so much that I wanted to honor them by giving them this world that I didn't think either of them could see—at least not in the way that I could.

In a poem titled, “The Road Not Taken,” by Robert Frost, the author completed his last stanza with: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” In my life, I chose to take the road less traveled by, as well. This journey upon which I have taken is quite “different” from any other I have ever encountered. And yet, at the same time, I have found intimate connections with every story I have ever learned about. This wasn't done intentionally, of course. I never consciously chose to live the life that I have lived. In fact, I never really paid too much attention to where I was going—or even where my feet were. I was always tripping over things. Even invisible things, like emotions, seemed to jump out in front of me. Yet, even though I would consistently fall, I was always taught to get right back up again and keep going.

The Magician

"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT? ANYONE IN DOUBT? I DON'T WANT TO GO UNTIL I'VE FOUND IT ALL OUT." – "NSU" BY CREAM

One could say that the secret to success is having focus. This is not necessarily applicable in the popular sense, however. Which, for me, was good. My attention span was not necessarily very “controlled.” In fact, on the surface, most people believed that I had a problem paying attention. This really never made sense to me. Because as far as I knew, my brain was always working. I guess it's because people just assumed I was daydreaming. Which, in their defense, was true. However, what they didn't realize was that my daydreaming as very important work. Ever since I was a child, I was determined to figure out the entire universe. Once I did that, then I could rest.

Externally, I was always watching and observing everything and everyone around me. Internally, I was focused on one single ideal: staying young. I put the maintenance of my childlike enthusiasm and innocence above all else. It seemed as though whenever I got distracted from this, I felt abandoned. This fear of abandonment ultimately became the very thorn in my side; it shaped many of the trials and tribulations throughout the course of my life. Yet, at the same time, without it I wouldn't have been so driven to understand the world. So I guess the two eventually balanced out.

I guess we all struggle with that loss of innocence at some point in our lives. Everyone experiences at least one thing that has shaped the course of our lives—almost as if the entire world we live in is “magically” transformed to help us work through these traumas and fears. Fortunately, everything in this world requires balance. And so, no matter how difficult things may seem, we can always count on unseen forces to return us back to the crests of the waves which initially delivered us to our greatest joys. No matter which “road” any of us takes, that law of balance is consistent. Whether experience delivers us to pain or pleasure—or a mixture of both—over time we “find a way” to combine everything in order to make our mark in this world. Each step we take is a nudge on the journey towards our own creation.

The View From the Castle

“I'LL LET YOU BE IN MY DREAM IF I CAN BE IN YOURS.” – BOB DYLAN

I wanted to forever remain in my kingdom. Yet, I often struggled with being able to view my life from that perspective. No matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to get mixed up in the world around me. No matter where I went, it felt as if the entire world was right there with me. The problem wasn't that I wanted to be alone. What eventually caused me distress was that as soon as I invited people into my world to show them around, the first thing that they wanted to do was change it. And that, of course, I could not allow. After all, this kingdom of mine was a peaceful, blissful “heaven.” Away from the world, it was safe haven for anyone to enter and be their true selves. As long any of us maintained a level of honesty, we could stay—and the world was “perfect.” It was as if there was a place saved for everyone.

When I was brought into this world, I felt the same welcome. It was as if I had just landed into the “perfect” life, created especially for me. I was very fortunate in this respect, however. Few people were ever able to identify with the incredible bliss that I felt just by being alive in this world. And so, as a child, one of my first wishes was to give to others that same feeling that I had been blessed with in my youth. My childlike enthusiasm and idealism became focused on “giving the world” to anyone who would let me into theirs.

The Man on the Flaming Phi

“[THE GOLDEN RATIO (PHI) = 1.6180339] IS A SCALE OF PROPORTIONS WHICH MAKES THE BAD DIFFICULT [TO PRODUCE] AND THE GOOD, EASY.” – ALBERT EINSTEIN

I was born on January 6, 1980 at 3:39AM in the morning in a delivery room at Pottstown Hospital in Southeastern, Pennsylvania. My parents lived in a house located about 10 miles away. Soon after I was born, they moved into a bigger house in a place suburban town called New Berlinville, PA. This area was dominated by mostly Pennsylvania Dutch people. Just a few blocks away began a town called Boyertown.

Before I was born, my parents picked out the name Jeffrey Daniel. However, my name was supposed to be Michael. The reason that it wasn't was due to a miscarriage—although not my mother's. My parents, before moving into their current residence, lived next to another pregnant couple. This other couple was expected to have their child around the same time as I. Since they both like the name Michael, they made a deal—a bet. Whoever gave birth first, the name Michael would be given. The second child would take the name Jeffrey.

In honor to the other couple's unfortunate loss, I was awarded the alternative, Jeffrey. I never really liked my name. Yet, I eventually came to terms with it. My mother told me that she named me “Jeffrey” so that you would have to smile after saying my name. After hearing my mother say that with such enthusiasm, I couldn't help but honor her sincerity. I guess it also made me consciously aware that my presence was intended to bring joy into the lives of others. And so, that notion eventually shaped my entire purpose. I guess there's more in a name than we realize.

“I WAS BORN ON A SUNDAY. BY THURSDAY, I WAS WORKIN' OUT ON THE JOB. I AIN'T NEVER HAD NO DAY OFF SINCE I LEARNED RIGHT FROM WRONG.” – “THE WORKING MAN” BY CREDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL

At the moment of each our births, we are pure energy, untouched an unscathed (internally or externally) by anything in our environment. In this state of perfect balanced homeostasis, each of us radiates the same light, sourced directly from our inner kingdoms. Bathing in this light, we are transformed back into perpetual youth and innocence. Like the sun itself, we radiate warmth for all around us. In addiction to this, we exist outside of time, yet unable to be located physically. We feel most safe in this place, for it is completely hidden from the world. It's only when we forget our own purity or lose our balance that we are forced into the external world of rationality and material: time.

Our physical human hearts were given to us like car engines. Within each of us is an internal combustion engines that convert light into physical material. We use this physical material to “buy time.” And so, we are each the balancing force of the sun itself. While the sun creates its energy from fusion, we create ours from fission—disassembling parts of our connection to each other in exchange for more and more energy. Without this energy, we feel we will not be able to “grow.” However, this is only because so many of us have forgotten where we came from.

Before we were born—though we don't often remember—we lived in a land of pure energy. In this land, we didn't need to create anything physical. In this world, everything was “perfect,” and nothing needed to be changed, divided, or otherwise in order to “grow.” After all, being “perfect” meant that there was no difference between anything at all. And so, the energy we create becomes the very currency that we use to buy our emotions, experiences, and perspectives of the world.

With this energy, each of us are given the option to build our worlds based on the blueprints of the kingdom from where we have arrived; or we could abandon those divine plans for substitutes provided by our external world. Though doing so comes with incredible pain and suffering, eventually we become desensitized to it. We convince ourselves it is easier to leave these ideals behind and just simply do as we are told. Sadly, something which seemed so innocent at such an early point in our lives eventually became the very source of our perpetuated suffering. Having noticed this early on in my life, I became very protective over who I would allow into my world. I even used to swat away my mother's hands anytime she tried to show me how to play with my toys. I had a vision, and that perfect vision was the most precious thing in the world to me. Even if nobody else could see it, I knew that one day it would make all the “difference” in the world.

Making a Difference

“AS I'M FATED FOR THE MATERIAL WORLD. GET FRUSTRATED IN THE MATERIAL WORLD. SENSES NEVER GRATIFIED. ONLY SWELLING LIKE A TIDE THAT COULD DROWN ME IN THE MATERIAL WORLD.” – “LIVING IN THE MATERIAL WORLD” BY GEORGE HARRISON

As children, we all make the choice to adapt to the world around us—and so often we set aside these blueprints so that we are able to sustain ourselves. To stay “afloat” in the chaotic environment of the external world, we trade in pieces of our kingdom for survival. The further we venture away from our innocence, the more we get lost in the illusion, created from the combination of our collective energy (time). Sadly, it is only when we suffer that we ever look back and seek the salvation of a possible return. However, by then everything seems so impossible, unrealistic, or immature. And yet, we always find ourselves in that state whenever we fall in love or experience a moment that reveals a wonder which we have not yet experienced with our senses.

There is nothing more that makes a “difference” in this world other than these moments. It's funny, that no matter how caught up we are in “reality,” all it takes is a split second to recall the joy upon which each of us were initially created. Though we attempt to follow the “tone” back to its source, we undoubtedly lose our focus and become distracted by something in our peripheral vision. Unable to stay focused, we end up losing our balance and we are set off on a path we never initially intended to take. Yet, because we cannot physically see, hear, or measure this imbalance, it is virtually impossible to recognize how to correct it. Unable to find our connection to the world around us, we often struggle for something to cling to—grounding us in a feeling that we can control. This fear of abandonment—from peace—is the source of all our suffering. Paradoxically, it comes after attaching ourselves to something in time. After all, it takes energy to control anything.

Unfortunately, control isn't something which is allowed to enter the proverbial “gates” of this kingdom. Because we are afraid to “let go,” we end up defining ourselves by those chains and crutches we cling to. This is what eventually causes us to stop seeking that inner kingdom: dependence, addiction, and fear of abandonment—from ourselves more than anything or anyone else. One may even consider this fear so great that it mirrors the abandonment from what some may perceive to be “God.” It feels that way because that's exactly what that feeling is. Anyone who lives in this kingdom IS (a) god—at least in the sense that there is only one.

It's very ironic that many of us see our greatest goal in life to “make a difference.” After all, “difference” is exactly what caused our first tears when we entered this world. Our very first breath was taken in order to project a scream—the sound of this initial abandonment from the source of all creation. Since we were born, we have taken every other breath hoping to give us enough energy to fuel our eventual return back into this invisible kingdom. Confused by our physical senses and a glittering environment full of energy, we instead breathe through the co-creation of a virtual theme park, hoping eventually to simulate a world where we are all of a single substance. Even though this never works, we keep on trying. For in each of those efforts, we feel connected to the source of the energy from whence we came.

There's a part of each of us that remembers when we were “perfect.” At one point, each of us had everything we ever wanted or needed; and at the same time, we didn't have any “thing” at all. Any time that we get distracted, we temporarily sever our connection from point of perfection, causing every last bit of our pain and suffering. However, deep inside of us, behind these fears, is an infinite soul that cannot be created nor destroyed. From this light energy, we create our entire lives.

In a state of confusion, we sever our identification with the energy of this undifferentiated (whole) spirit and rather claim ownership over our physical body. Basically, we forget that we are the driver of the vehicle and instead associate ourselves with the car. It's confusing because we are both, simultaneously. However, feeling as if we are forced to choose one or the other, we end up (most of us) defaulting to that which we feel we have a greater opportunity to control. Our very first tears we shed are from our soul as we abandon the part of ourselves which was once perpetually whole in exchange for a piece. At the same time, we forget that we are both.

“IN THE TOWN WHERE I WAS BORN, LIVED A MAN WHO SAILED TO SEA. AND HE TOLD US OF HIS LIFE IN THE LAND OF SUBMARINES. SO WE SAILED ON TO THE SUN, 'TIL WE FOUND A SEA OF GREEN. AND WE LIVED BENEATH THE WAVES IN OUR YELLOW SUBMARINE.” – “YELLOW SUBMARINE” BY THE BEATLES

If we get into balance, our souls rise to the occasion, peering trough an “eye” which sits behind the two we use to guide us on our respective journeys. It's almost as if we are looking out our belly buttons—once attached to our mother womb. Relatively, however, the 9 months we spent in the womb was really just a planning period for the entire journey of our lives which awaits us after our first “good cry.” When w are born, we are also awakened. In fact, any time that we “let go” and allow ourselves to reenter this state of confusion, we find our truest “selves” again and again.

The Kingdom

JD Stahl (12/15/2020) We all believe in something we’ve never seen. Some believe in love and some in fear. We are each in control of what is real. The tint you see through Is the color that serves you. This beauty I find when I close my eyes. Won’t you follow me without hesitation this time? This kingdom of mine has no war or crime. It’s safe to let go and feel what you feel. Theres no one to control you. And it’s filled with heavenly truths. But your ego and hate must be checked at the gate. A history of illusion. Mixed assumption. Lies. No wonder you’ve been striving to fight. Never allowing yourself the break you need. I seems so tough to keep up. Life doesn’t have to be so tough. This life you are living is for yourself. I don’t need to convince you of what really exists. Many have tried for your entire life. It’s in the books that you’ve read. All of the songs that you sing in your head. There’s freedom right behind all your eyes. But you’ll all have to see we’re on the same team. Do you really want a life full of taking sides? Is it really important to feel above all the rest? Aren’t you tired of constantly drying your eyes? You’ve finished your test when you stop fearing death. I can’t remember a day that I’ve even felt pain. I fly every day because my life is paradise. There’s love in my heart they can’t take away. No, they can’t take it away.

Loving the Alien: Hybrid Theory

“TO DIE, TO SLEEP; TO SLEEP; PERCHANCE, TO DREAM.  AY, THERE'S THE RUB. FOR IN THAT SLEEP OF DEATH, WHAT DREAMS MAY COME.” – “HAMLET” BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE  

We are all, in this sense, hybrids. Part of us is an “alien” soul, warring for control over our bodies to guide them on this divinely fated “dream” plan that we concocted back in our respective kingdoms and wombs, before birth. Our bodies become the carriers to the luminous childlike “alien” soul, guided only by the father of its creation. This invisible “parent” often speaks from a place just outside this internal “eye” where our soul breathes its infinite wisdom. From this vibrating space-dust, we transform ourselves and, eventually, the entire world around us to “live the dream” we concocted during our incubation periods. If we could only “settle into nothing” again, we could create our dream homes—our kingdoms.

Each of us can live our own personal dream and be resurrected or “reborn” back into our initial state of perfection and innocence. However, before we can do so, something has to “die.” At the door of our birthplace, a sacrifice must be made—just when we initially left. The root word (prefix) “di” means two, twice, or double. Essentially, we “died” when we were born, creating a separation between our body and soul. In order to to return to this kingdom, also known by many as “paradise,” we have to marry those two entities together—in perfect balance. The father must “die” by merging with the soul (Sol, Son, or Sun), and by doing so, the “throne” is restored to its original blueprints—as it was initially intended. This, above any other attempt at a definition, is the truest example of “success” or “succession.”

“A SON IS THE FATHER, AND THE MOTHER THE SUN. SPECIAL ANOMALIES, THE CHILDREN FORM ONE.” – “PURITY OF RECEIPT” BY JD STAHL

It is the point when our kingdoms are restored to the balancing forces of chaos and order, the Alpha and Omega (brain waves), the masculine and feminine, the light and the dark, the body and the spirit, etc. In balance, these two energies (dimensions) are mirrored. Our original sin is desire, unspecified. For without desire, we would require no energy, time, effort, or differentiation whatsoever. This persistent attempt to “marry” the two is what fuels the war that keeps on raging. As long as we insist on creating this union in the external world more than the internal world, the hands on the clock keep on spinning—all at the cost of our distance from the kingdom. What manifests as the product of this energy is what we call “The Human Condition.”

The truth of our existence, as “dreamt” or designed before our birth, is to eventually negotiate balance. In Ancient Egypt, in order to “pass the test” of time, hearts had to be weighed against a feather. At death, if one had a heavy heart (full of desire), they would have to return to the world (banks of Khem) or be reborn so they could be alchemized until they would reach a state of balanced purity. If they were purified by their time on earth, then they could return to their kingdoms, forever. Each of us endure the same trials and tests in our lives, hoping to find balance so that we each may return to “paradise” to succeed to the throne of our own personal kingdoms, receiving our inheritance.

Soliloquy

JD Stahl (12/21/2020) This life. A seemingly endless soliloquy. A yearning for love. One to be matched by the mirror Of my internal combustion. A twin-engine companion Of the flames that flicker within. A trial. From birth until death. Growth of expanding potential. Emotion, exposed to the exponential. Engulfing it’s foil. Death to the sigh—the breath. A soiled cloud of doubt, That becomes less and less. Here, in my chest. Making room for more life. Waves. You give the purpose to light. Like the joy of my sight. The senses within, are yours, My reason to explore. My learning to yearn. Embodying the more. Yet, you are just out of reach. This body, a breach. My solitude. Within, when I am without. I’m forever exposed. For your love, I have condoned The display of all scars These crosses of bars. With you in my arms Is the magic that consumes me. Like the air to the fire. My earth. My sea. Populating my heavens choir. Singing within, an eternity. To join. Combining your grace to my flight. I shall be with you tonight. And forever we shall be. An example of devotion. A bridge crossing oceans. An impossible spectacle. The forever miracle. Never to die. Our dance. To believe it even exists. It is such a simple wish, Yet each kiss is my bliss. Felt, but not always seen with eyes. Touched—with or without a disguise. Hope, like promises of nature. Balancing all of creation. A combination of all unconditional love. Two become one. A beautiful gift. Like the sun through the clouds. On a forecast of shrouds. Breaking through with surprise— Like what you do with your eyes. The light on my world. You bring meaning to words. For my next internal decree, This soliloquy.