(B01C04) Chapter 4: The Alchemical Child

“COME ALONG INSIDE. HAVE YOURSELF A SEAT. LET ME GIVE YOU THE SECRET THAT YOU’VE WAITED TO RECEIVE. I’VE SEEN YOU CONFUSED. SOME DAYS YOU ARE ON, SOME ARE OFF. THIS STUDENT/TEACHER CONCEPT IS QUITE A TWISTED GESTALT. THERAPY, OF COURSE—OR SCHOOL. THE CLASSROOM IS YOUR TEACHER. AND YOU, OF COURSE, TAKE THE CLASS.” – “BLIND FAITH” BY JD STAHL

Since my youth, I have entered the awareness which makes me know that my parents were given to me as a divine gift, intended specifically so that I would arrive at my present state of divination. However, like most of us do, I spent a great portion of my life casting blame and playing the victim until I was able to see beyond my own preferences. As a child, I was not willing or able to accept the dichotomy of the student/teacher concept.

This fully immersive training course called “life” was more distracting than my soul would have ever expected. Then again, I believe that finding balance amongst distractions is the greatest challenge we—as infinite beings—could ever hope to transcend. There are few greater accolades for the soul than to develop the strength to sit still, silently, as the flames of time consume you. It is after the fire chokes out that each soul emerges from the ashes, born again, immortal from the greatest poison: desire.

Full conscious awareness can really only arrive after we have quelled our longing, desire, addiction. Being that my biological history had been riddled with various addictions—of all shapes and colors—it was clear that my purpose on this world was to develop my balance in order to stand atop them all, unaffected and undaunted by their presence. Once I could silence the storm winds of temptation which blew me about my own stages, I would finally be able to get to the very core of my greatest trauma: abandonment.

Each and every experience in my life presented me with every single extension of possible abandonment. My fear of loneliness was not simply external, but expressed itself most prominently through my relationship with the unnamed, unclaimed, silent spirit inside me. This presence is often referred to many as “God.” As a child, I had no information about such concepts; and so, I just assumed it was a part of me that I held most dear. It was that presence in which I stored the divine qualities of both of my parents, intertwined in the lightning storm which was my innocent mind.

Due to my father's emotional distance, I grew up being both afraid and starving for masculine validation. Until I could receive it from my father, I did what I could to dismantle the structural order of everything around so that I could find the lowest common denominator of masculine sensation—which, in a sense, gave me insight into myself. At the same time, my mother offered me an endless supply of attention and positive validation. However, this caused me to pull closer to my father and push away my mother's help or assistance. I guess you could say that I did my best to find balance, even before I knew what balance was.

Because I was so sensitive to everything, I was subconsciously prodded towards different experiences. My only tool for survival in this push/pull dynamic was to attempt to develop a way to express my confusion between these two polar personalities. Thankfully, my parents were both incredibly verbal about their feelings; their honesty—frequently blunt—was what I used to develop my own personal reverence for speaking the truth of my own emotions, regardless of the situation, company, or consequences.

Though many would assume that my relationship with my mother was overly codependent, I was more dependent on my father's approval than anything else. I saw my mother as both parent and friend. More than that, I saw anyone who would welcome or respect my honesty without reaction, offense, or fear to be of my greatest of advocates. And so, I soon found that the only person with whom I could speak with such depth was my mother. Having been a teacher of literature, my relationship with her only strengthened my capacity to elucidate emotional experiences in ways I couldn't even attempt to purchase from the outside world.

The Banks of The Nile

“IN MY HOME TOWN, I DON’T FEEL DESERTED. IN THIS VERY SMALL TOWN, I CAN'T BE DIVERTED.” – “HOME TOWN” BY JD STAHL

In order to connect the lines between my masculine and feminine identities, I would have to enter the world of comparisons. More than that, I would also have to find them both in their purity; from that state of emotional discernment, I could then identify which “way” I would have to go in order to find balance between the temples of my own mind. For if I was ever confused, I would not be able to welcome the presence which I considered to be my “best friend.”

Unfortunately, by making these comparisons between my parents, I eventually started to create distance between this invisible twin counterpart and my conscious mind. Without even a single intention to sin, I began to utilize comparisons; it was this tool which caused me to see this “friend” or presence as something separate from myself entirely. Without even realizing it, my fears of abandonment were portrayed in multiples. Between my mother, my father, and now my own internal voice of clarity and wonder, I became separated into fourths. The remaining quarter was something which I could not yet adequately define: my “self.”

“I STEPPED OUT OF MISSISSIPPI WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD WITH A SUIT CUT SHARP AS A RAZOR AND A HEART MADE OF GOLD. I HAD A GUITAR HANGING JUST ABOUT WAIST HIGH. AND I'M GONNA PLAY THIS THING UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.” – “RIDING WITH THE KING” BY ERIC CLAPTON AND B.B. KING

Needless to say, my existential crisis began at a very early age. At the same time, it was an incredible opportunity to develop the capacity to discern the “self” from the energy around me. In a sense, it was like learning how to play an instrument as soon as you could walk. Though I wasn't learning how to read music or play a guitar in the physical sense, I was unconsciously developing an ability to read the energy from my environment and play my soul alongside the waves in perfect harmony. As I floated down the river of time, between the banks of my parents, I practiced my instrument day and night until I could alchemize my entire environment, spinning time into veritable gold.

No matter where my life took me, I always tried to make the very best of every single situation. Above all, this is what my mother always told me she admired most about me. Not only was she MY friend and parent, but she would often ask me for advice. She would even come to me with her own vulnerability; to which, I would respond a perspective which would give her pause. My mother empowered me with the responsibility to make a difference without constantly making me feel as if I was her—or anyone's subordinate. Not many children are given this type of respect or consideration; most of them are just written off as children who need to be “trained” or converted into a substance which can eventually be used in the marketplace of life.

This heightened sense of confidence I developed in my discernment, however, caused me to feel somewhat responsible for my parents. Often, I felt as if my “cleverness” was necessary in order to help my own parents find clarity in their own stressful situations or periods of confusion. My father, however, did not share this type of perspective. Paul adamantly rejected any possibility for me to teach him anything. No matter what I attempted to do, he would always find a way to usurp my perspective so that he could offer his own. However, at the same time, my personal responsibility and emotional maturity used this to challenge my own perception of unconditional love—the balance between my gender archetypes.

“SHELTERED BY THEIR PARENTS. UNDERSTOOD THROUGH MANDATE. THEY WANT TO GET OUT, WORSE THAN THEIR DEEPEST, DARKEST THREATS. THEY WANT TO BREAK FREE. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY NEED.” – “HOME TOWN” BY JD STAHL

Though helpful for myself and others, this emotional maturity created a sense of intellectual superiority, which eventually developed into what many would believe to be an intolerance for strict authority. However, it wasn't that I was against authority—not at all. The issue was that I didn't respect people who were not able to maintain a balanced perspective or awareness between personal preferences and truth. I had incredibly high standards when it came to separating my wants and needs from what I felt everyone else should do with themselves or their own personal lives. I distrusted anyone who wasn't as open and honest to me about themselves as my parents were with me as they so easily exposed their own silent insecurities—projected by their attempts to claim authority over truth itself.

As a child, though we may not clearly remember, we had a 6th sense for this type of perception. After all, the only reason we ever fell out of balance in the first place was by being surrounded by those who had fallen out of their own. Sadly, since they were rewarded, validated, or otherwise for their biases, most “adults” just simply assumed that these lies were true. I guess this is why they have to use candy and stuff to reward kids to “train” them like pets to agree with their preferences. The voice of a child's emotional clarity would rival that of most modern sages. Because I was taught the value of communication and honesty at such an early age, I was able to remember all of these feelings with enough rationality and structure that I could recall them, even now.

The Higher Law

“WITHIN THE SHELL, DON’T FEAR. PASS THE RIVER TO THE ALCHEMICAL CHILD. BREAK ALL RULES AGAIN, UNTIL YOU AWAKEN WILD.” – “WAITING, LOVE” BY JD STAHL

Just assume, for at least a minute, that every single child—before they can speak—holds a superior definition of unconditional love than any human being on the planet. Would you rather the child teach you this golden truth, or would you rather convince them to sell it? From this perspective, one could only hope that parents teach their children to communicate before they are asked to sacrifice their higher moral standards in exchange for marketplace posturing. My ability to find patterns, communicate with energy, and discern personality traits in my external world was the product of my language development. Above all, this allowed me to retain the proverbial “key” to the “kingdom.”

Unfortunately, returning to this state of divinity after we were forced to leave is defended by an incredible fortress of religion, culture, psychology, or precedence. In fact, any single time that any one of us (child or adult) even attempts to go back to exist in the Brahmanic state—also awarded the label of “Christ Consciousness”--our external world attempts, by force or salesmanship, that this place is forbidden. And yet, we raise our children with many beliefs and texts which show us that our primary focus should always be on the individuals who initially told us that “Ye are gods” (Psalm 82:6). In our ignorance, we attempt to “write off” this explanation and instead trade it for one which creates separation (sin), severing us from our divine power and sovereignty.

Because I was never forced to trade in my reality decoder key by either of my parents, I was able to learn how to “read” the world around me—including concepts such as time and space. Understanding the world as if it were an open book helped my brain to develop very quickly. Instead of waiting to learn something, I was able to learn from the world by identifying patterns. In this way, I didn't force myself to see every lesson as a separate concept, but more as a “proof” which I could apply universally. Therefore, if anyone attempted to “sell” me on ideas which were not consistent with these patterns, I rejected them without a single consideration. Attempts to complicate my mind went in one ear and out the other.

“THEY PLAY COOL, WHILE ALONE, I LIE. I LAY IN PATTERNS AND POOLS I PLAY. IN CONSCIENCE, SUBCONSCIOUS, PAINTING THE FLIP-BOOK PAGES OF THIS OVERPRICED CHARADE I’VE CREATED. THEN COMPLAINED OF EVERY PORTRAYED POTENTIAL I’VE LACKED OR RESTRAINED.” – “UNDERSTUDY” BY JD STAHL

By identifying consistent patterns in all lessons, I was able to more efficiently absorb lessons in a certain observational “shorthand” language—like physical Pentecostal communication in my environment. Not only could I speak in tongues, but I could move in them as well. Vibrationally above the physical details and separation, I was able to ascend to a conceptual level (dimension) of awareness—above both my father's logic and my mother's emotional discernment. I was able to eventually use both as a “means” to find my “golden rule,” which so synchronistically accompanied my date of birth. It was from this growth ratio that I was able to apply each and every lesson to greater and greater proportions.

In this way, whatever my parents wanted to teach me, when learned, I could apply upon a multitude of differential situations. Not only could I curtail my insistence on asking questions, but I could simultaneously find the difference between what could be considered “true” and what was just simply a “because I said so” fallacy. Thankfully, my parents did not often lower their parenting to such a method of manipulation. If they even tried, I would push them and challenge them to explain their reasoning.

I was very protective over this state of internal peace. Any other time that I allowed myself to be led astray, I felt horrible or was otherwise abandoned by my own internal “presence.” This equanimous position of clarity could also be seen as our internal “witness,” the source of our unconditional love and unbearable compassion. When we leave this state, we immediately enter confusion, dependency, and illusion.

Protected

JD Stahl (04/29/2017) Protected. Subconsciously connected to a higher law. My eyes are scene windows caught up in waves and crescendos, abandoned by a frequency and burnt up in daily 3D re-entry. If you think about it, proof of chemistry drives spirituality. Marks on the ladder guide your steps through time. On every run we are hung from responsibility. Sins from kin travels within, and from beyond we feel the arrows from tomorrow that we must pull back yesterday. And yet this indifference is death. Bound to a linear idea of life that varies with frequency. It's elementary in it's inception. Only blocked by a negative perception and a yearning for neighboring electrons. How many times will we write-off the explanation? They've already sent the letter and I know the answer is exactly: “Y.”

The Illusion of “Right”

“WHAT STANDS IN BETWEEN YOU AND ME. IS WHAT MAKES US FEEL WE AREN’T FREE. IT’S JUST DISTANCE IN THE TREE. A SIMPLE PHYSICAL ANOMALY. AND ILLUSORY DIVISION FROM A SINGLE SEED. MAGICAL CREATIVITY OF DIVINE ENERGY. VIBRATING EXPRESSION, DELIVERED BY CHARIOTS CARRYING SOLAR ENERGY. LIGHT. THAT’S RIGHT.” – “INTELLIGENT DESIGN” BY JD STAHL

We want to know the definition of “unconditional love.” In this state of being, we experience our greatest sense of peace. Rarely do we credit the acts of forgiveness and acceptance of our differences (internal and external) as the route to access our key to decode our paradoxical environments. Every single preference, opinion, and personal perspective is a link in the “golden chain” which eventually prevents us from ascending up the steps of grace and into a state of transcendent bliss (heaven, nirvana, satori, etc.).

Though we may feel there is physical distance between our present state and that bliss, it exists eternally in the now. All we have to do is release our chains, golden or otherwise. Releasing control and the need to be “right” is what will deliver us to our greatest treasures. However, just like children, we still cling to that dirty baby blanket for comfort. As adults, we call this blanket “rational reality.”

Unfortunately, trying to stay attached to the addictions of ego, preference, and the “illusion of right” makes our journey to find peace and unconditional love so incredibly frustrating and painful. Fortunately, it doesn't have to be that way. Each of us can change in a single moment. All we have to do is “let go” for long enough that we realize that we are safe—if at least for the moment. But a moment is all we need to remember who we are outside of our rigid rules and structures which we foolishly traded for access back into our kingdoms. We just have to remember what it feels like to be a child—even before we were forced or required not to be.

For my father, of course, I saw this task to be somewhat insurmountable based on his personal experiences. And so, for most of my life, I felt that it was my personal responsibility to maintain my youth until he was capable of learning from my example. I don't have to tell you that this would eventually created quite a rift between father and son. The stronger he held to his “duty,” the more I learned how to hold to my own. If he was willing to die for his children, then I learned how to die for his as well—trapped behind the cold steel chamber that he would occasionally choke back with cigarette smoke.

The Living Renaissance

“DON’T LET IT BE ME TO SELL YOU, GIRLS AND BOYS. YOUR FOCUSED ATTENTION IS LIKE A SHOTGUN OF POISE. POSTURED SUBCONSCIOUS IS ORGANIZED NOISE. THEY SAY WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE. CAN YOU HEAR? FOLLOW ITS VOICE.” – “THREE-RINGED PLANET” BY JD STAHL

Each and every one of us are a full palette of colors. With this spectrum of energies, we can create any theme, background, or foreground we wish. Each and every creation we complete—in time, space, or otherwise—populates the gallery hallways through each our lives. These various colors bleed from us, causing us to leave behind invisible footprints. These footprints are just as divinely inspired as those taken by our devotion to all whom we love. The totality is compiled to create a visual symphony of our existence.

As the flipbook pages of our kinetic poetry transition, we negotiate our own position on the stairway to our eventual salvation, both in death and in life. Imprinted underneath these pages is an energetic signature, silently projecting a reciprocal magnetism which prods us to take our next step. In every word, event, person, creation, friend, parent, or child is a love which cannot be undermined.

Though often misunderstood by our occasional imbalances, this child/key/friend/God is guiding us all to the same eventual destination: unconditional love. Because this voice/face/energy is of a single source point, the message is consistently communicated behind each and every attempt to differentiate or separate it. For this reason, all of creation can be energetically “decoded” to reveal the absolute truth, light, and way to this “Source.” The more time we spend communicating with this “voice,” the more we transfigure ourselves to become it—in physical form.

Every single brush stroke, ebb and flow situation, waveform dynamic, balanced equation, emotional response, or experience of pleasure and pain is divinely orchestrated by this singular “voice.” This non-dual (whole or “holy”) spirit resides in the infinite spaces above the collective psychosis we so reverently worship as the rational mind—the one true “reality.” The divine artist, both masculine and feminine, takes its “throne” and projects its “golden rule” upon the crowns of those who have unlearned anything which prevents them from receiving their “call” from above. From upon the drafting table of evermore, Eden is painted with our unconditional love—the “base” of all colors on our collective palettes.

Above the collective unconscious library of all that has ever been known and all that will ever be discovered is a lightning bolt of inspiration that touches the rod of our crowns and excites each of us to cross the lines of creation into creator. However, to become deserving of our light, we must protect it with a “law” which is higher than any other. To do this, we must break some of of man's rules—just as our favorite movies and religious scripture leads us to do. To become the hero, we have to break our greatest chains: the golden chains of self-righteousness. We have to realize that “right” is our greatest illusion and that there isn't any “thing” which can ever attempt to be greater than our own divine acceptance and forgiveness of both preference and precedence.

Fortunately, we were all awarded a certain “unalienable” free will at birth. This is our spiritual sovereignty. In each of us has this choice. That is our “gift.” We can honor this gift or we can choose to trade it for more illusions of safety, obedience, material security, popular acceptance and validation, fashion, or otherwise. We can choose to worship the spirit of balance within ourselves—and by doing so absorb our own worship to this truth.

Alternatively, of course, we also have the free will to decide rather to sell our soul's sovereignty in exchange for satiating illusions, fears, or any other threat to our freedom. We should seek to protect the absolute freedoms of free choice for our children and every other being as much as we are willing to protect our own. This equanimity, obedient only to spirit, is the source material of our collective unconditional love—the one and only “way” to existence which cannot be subjugated by lower-vibrational systems, constructs, or false authorities.

As you can see, my journey is quite similar to that each and every single one of us currently attempt to discern in the hallways of our life. After all, we are creations sourced from the same singular point. Staying connected to this “open source” language application was what eventually led to the development of each and every other line of logic that I attempted to underwrite my biological programming.

This unofficial research was my soul's profession—a lifelong experiment with catalogued definitions, observations, and coding that would (hopefully) lead me to developing an unconditional love that could transcend the entire physical world. Upon my shoulders, I often felt the weight of the world. Fortunately, in every single second I could breathe in the state of origination from which we were all conceived. This is my alchemical journey to decode the world to find that source in every single experience. Regardless of what I was able to “see” or “hear,” my good intentions created access to a portal of visions which seemed to be communicated directly from the Sun itself. However, because I didn't have a rocket ship (yet), I had to take the quantum train (internally) and follow my heart.

Blind Ambition

JD Stahl (03/05/2018) Direct descendant from Adam. But, in time, you’ll pass another mission. Broken ribs and blue blood remain. When you rise and absorb your competition. Waiting for my soft release. Searching for my heart of gold. Don’t get too close—don’t get close. For I must be leaving when the story calls me home. One of these day, I will find the one. The single within me; all I know. And this all comes from far away. Until then, I feel I must go alone. Through these days I shall labor And shake these ashes from my wings. From lost loves and forgone young, I chase only the angel from my dreams. This tarnished heart confides my wisdom. And this lonely life I couldn’t crave. Are the messages from my kingdom? My broken mind I shall not wish to save. Wrought with agony, I tear me from you. And in this split, I find sweet release; From my illusion and your creation. Is this the missing key of peace? Please do not play this in music minor. Break the lines from the coda’s cry. Release my breath from eyes and fingers. All I shall hear are the answers why. The patterns that drew me to the river Now call the banks and broken shores. Now my love has been leaking, Down my chest for evermore. For these farewells I have been sharing, Get lost in translation from the cause. Can’t you hear my soul is weeping, Locked in this shell of frightened flaws? In this land of complex confusion, I cannot disguise my prophets call. Inherited sages and savage wisdom Is only part of the book’s great fall. Yet while I bleed these words of magic, They overlook the saviors age. I’ve sacrificed almost every pleasure For one more chance at a golden page.