(B01C14) Chapter 14: Kindergarten Ka

Cherub Rockshow

“I READ THE NEWS TODAY, OH BOY, ABOUT A LUCKY MAN WHO MADE THE GRADE.” – “A DAY IN THE LIFE” BY THE BEATLES

My first official schooling experience was exciting. My parents enrolled me into a Montessori school for kindergarten. The building was covered with old wood flooring and all of the desks and chairs still had that charm from decades earlier. I, along with about 11 other children, attended the kindergarten class which was held in the upstairs portion of the building. If you listened through the old wood that covered the entire interior of the building, you could hear the whispers of scientists like Albert Einstein and others, watching in from planes of existence just outside of time. Through the books that lined the walls of the schoolhouse, timeless genius spoke and poured into my innocent and curious mind.

At first, of course, I was very shy around others. After my previous experience at daycare, I realized that I was most comfortable just to observe other kids—at least at first. I really didn't like getting too involved in the various games and competitions that other children seemed so fascinated with at my age. I really was only looking to make friends that I could connect with, more than just talk at them. For most of the time, I sat by myself, tracing Dick and Jane books, playing with Lincoln Logs, or flipping through books and reading the pictures as a means to follow the story without needing to read the words. When the book was read to me, I used the pictures as a means to give relative meaning. Later, this would help me learn to read, engaging my internal vision as a means to understand a level underneath what mere words could attempt to communicate.

Even though I was fully engaged independently, the teachers still called us together in groups for story time, outdoor play, lunch, and other group activities that were meant to give us all an equal opportunity to try new things. Then, when we were done, we could choose from a greater possibility of activities upon which we could focus our curious energies. Structure, however, was not necessarily something that I had previous been used to.

Personally, I saw it as a break from the intense focus of my independent learning. It was a way that I could be with the other kids without worrying that I was imposing myself upon them or bothering them. I was very sensitive to feeling if other kids felt intimidated by me or felt required to compete with me in some way. By having designated periods where everyone was expected to work in groups, it took away the energy of my approach, allowing other kids to feel less pressured to protect themselves or feel they had to compete with me. I made the best of these situations before returning to my corner to continue my work in silence. Once a day, we even went outside and walked to the top of the hill above the schoolhouse for recess to play on the playground.

The structure of the school was incredibly efficient. Each year is split up into quarters. Every quarter had certain educational requirements or goals; not all subjects are taught at the same time. For example, the first quarter may teach English and Science. The next quarter may teach Social Studies and Math. Days would be split into chunks. At certain times we would be introduced to new material or activities as a group. After a brief activity period where we would practice with the new information, we would be allowed to return to our independent study. During this time, we could choose to work on pretty much anything our hearts desired. We were given assignments, workbooks, or projects and then given a deadline when they were expected to be completed. As long as we finished the assignments by the due dates, that's all that mattered.

I was—more or less—quite engaged with the new material. My curiosities abounded with every new lesson. Though there were a few topics that did not spark my interest, the teacher would relate them to other subjects that I did like. This technique made it seem more fun, as I was then able to engage the part of my curiosity and apply it to what I didn't “get” or understand about others. In this way, even if I didn't particularly enjoy what the assignment was, while I worked on it, I could consider how I could apply it to other areas I enjoyed. Eventually, because of this method, I was able to see each different subject as just another regional dialect of the others. This suited me, because I was able to use the same language of patterns to explain them all. When I didn't fully understand something, I would find paralleled consistencies, eventually guiding me answer any remaining questions and developing a greater confidence in each subject.

"I'M FIXING A HOLE WHERE THE RAIN GETS IN, AND STOPS MY MIND FROM WANDERING...WHERE IT WILL GO.” – “FIXING A HOLE” BY THE BEATLES

Fortunately, I never felt forced to do anything against my will. Because of this, I never lost my enthusiasm for learning new things. When I would stare off into space for too long, the teacher would come over and ask me if I needed help explaining things. If I was unable to find a conclusive theory to understand the new material, I would ask her to explain. Occasionally, I would ask questions that would help me connect the lines between the different subjects; I would use the ones which I found were my strengths to strengthen those I was not quite proficient at yet. Instead of asking “what,” I could ask “how.” The answers given revealed consistencies which I later sought to fill with greater detail and depth during my “free time” activities.

The subconscious byproduct of this independent work was time management—something which I could freely develop on my own, depending on which subjects I would find interesting or challenging. As a result, I didn't develop any codependency on the authority of my teachers. Instead, I felt empowered to find answers to my own questions by using my independent thinking skills. Doing so allowed me to trust the things I learned to a greater degree, leaving fewer “holes” or questions which would cause me to get stuck or lost in thought loops. In order to structure both of these dimensions of learning (time management and qualitative learning), I began to prioritize my schedule so I could assure that my free time wouldn't get in the way of the completion of my assignments.

Young Einstein

“EVERYONE IS A GENIUS. BUT IF YOU JUDGE A FISH BY ITS ABILITY TO CLIMB A TREE, IT WILL LIVE ITS WHOLE LIFE BELIEVING THAT IT IS STUPID.” – ALBERT EINSTEIN

Instead of learning how to be obedient regardless of the quality of my work, I learned how to be an independent free thinker and use my own personal language to teach myself how to create correspondence between subjects. Having so much free time allowed me to work independently on developing my invisible “alphabet” that I used to “speak” with the universal space around me. When I would stare off into space or “lose time,” I would return with as much information as one would if they had just read an entire book. In that “space,” I would use examples from every other thing I had seen or learned recently to explain the questions which remained.

Flashes of different projects, illustrations from Dick and Jane books, and even words from other languages would also pop into my head. When I “came back,” I could understand all of them from the same central point. When all of my questions could rest on the same absolute consistencies of the others, I could essentially move on to the next thing without any lingering questions to cloud my mind or prevent me from focusing entirely on one specific thing. In order for me to learn the way I did, I had to put my entire focus on one thing at a time. If I had to move onto something else without finding closure in another subject, everything would get mixed up and I would get confused, frustrated, upset, or feel rushed to just go through the motions to appease someone else's nonsensical expectations.

One of the greatest gifts that I received from this school was the assurance that I would not be forced to forget the language of energy. I was able to freely prioritize it as long as I could complete the required work. And so, I prioritized my education as a means to support my extrasensory imagination—not stifle it or consider it as some unnecessary distraction. The fact that even though nobody understood that my “daydreaming” was so productive, they didn't label me or tell me to stop. That made all the difference to my ability to learn and remain passionate about my education. Instead of filling my brain up with conflicting theories or just memorizing things so I wouldn't get in trouble, I was able to resolve all of the various intelligence together, leaving much more room to fit more information.

Poached-Egg Memory Hunting with Jeff and Jane

“HE WENT OUT TIGER HUNTING WITH HIS ELEPHANT AND GUN. IN CASE OF ACCIDENTS HE ALWAYS TOOK HIS MUM. HE'S THE ALL AMERICAN BULLET-HEADED SAXON MOTHER'S SON. ALL THE CHILDREN SING.” – “THE CONTINUING STORY OF BUNGALOW BILL” BY THE BEATLES

Continuously updating my mental efficiency allowed me to have an incredibly clear memory. Since I was not stuck on unanswered questions, I was able to retain information faster and longer. Even before I could read, my mother would comment on how impressed she was that I was able to remember certain pictures and concepts from one thing to the next. All children want to get positive reinforcement from their parents; I was no different. My mom cared most that I was not only learning, but enjoying my learning. In order to reinforce that behavior, her greatest enthusiasm was given when I could come to her with examples of what I was doing. Even more than that, she would celebrate the things I didn't bring to her.

By not being predictable on her reinforcement, I would just present her with all different types of learning to elicit that positive response. Since I never got any negative or flat responses, I never learned to fear or question myself for my presentations. The fewer fears and questions I had, the more I could focus my mind on the energy behind each lesson, pulling me further into mastery. This mastery held the interconnectivity between every branch of intelligence.

I have a very vivid memory of sitting at a desk near the window of the schoolhouse. I remember it because my mom came to visit me that day. She walked in while I was tracing pictures from a Dick and Jane book onto tracing paper. I like tracing because it gave me the confidence to believe I could draw like a professional. My mom had driven all the way from her job at the local middle school to visit me during her lunch period.

When my mother walked through the door, all I wanted to do was introduce her and show her off to my whole class. I was seated by myself in the front of the building, facing the sunshine as it streamed through the window. She sat down next to me while I traced out of a red book. As I attempted to read her the book, she praised me for remembering the first page illustration with the same one in the middle of the book. This simple act caused me to prioritize my memory retention—which set the course for my entire future.

“WON'T YOU LOOK UP AT THE SKYLINE AT THE MORTAR, BLOCK, AND GLASS. AND CHECK OUT THE REFLECTIONS IN MY EYES. SEE THEY ALWAYS USED TO BE THERE, EVEN WHEN THIS ALL WAS GRASS.” – “PHILOSOPHY” BY BEN FOLDS FIVE

When I moved from kindergarten down to 1st grade, everything was new and exciting. Instead of the stained wood walls, I was able to look out the glass brick in the front of the building. When I stared off, I could see the light bend through the imperfections and shower me with fragments of pure white light. Occasionally, I would catch these sun rays on me and I would get goosebumps, as if the sun itself was communicating to me through my skin. Between the ultraviolet light, I would drift off to a place in my mind where I could swear the light itself was talking to me.

My first grade class only had about 7 other kids. Being that it was such a small group I never got lost in the shuffle. Even though I never asked for too much help from the teacher, she was always there to answer any questions. Most of the time, however, I was off doing my own thing. In fact, I was so independent that I would often drift off for hours at a time. There were times when I was observed spending an unusual amount of time in the bathroom. Eventually, the teacher had to ask my mother about this—as she was somewhat concerned. After explaining to her that I often went off alone so I could “think” without distractions, she seemed to feel better about it.

Occasionally, I would need to go somewhere quiet where I wasn't around the cacophony of invisible energies bouncing around the room of the classroom. After a few hours, this energy would build up inside of me and I would feel heavy, unable to concentrate. It was as if everyone around me was filling my pockets with their thoughts, fears, and questions. Being that I didn't fight them or become defensive, I had to find some strategy which would allow me to separate my energy from theirs. At times when I was too “heavy” or unable to process everything I was carrying, I could feel myself become more impatient, frustrated. This mental fog would disappear whenever the sun was hitting me or if I was alone in my own space.

In order to maximize this alone time, I learned how to complete my assignments more efficiently. The assignments that I understood, I did whatever I could to complete them immediately. After receiving a workbook that was due in at the end of the month, I would complete it in a single day—even if I had to work on it at home. This would help me to not feel guilty doing whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to do it. I guess you could say that I was like my father, eating the “macaroni salad” in the classroom until I was finished so that I could continue to do whatever I wanted without feeling any type of pressure from the teachers. I had no problem doing the work, I just never saw time or effort as a inclusive factor on the quality or value of my work. Fortunately, none of the teachers ever made me feel guilty for this either.

Subterranean Alien, Home Sick

“KID WHO PUNKED OUT BUST A SHOT UP IN THE BEACON. CATCH ME IN THE CORNER NOT SPEAKING.” – “APOLLO'S KIDS” BY GHOSTFACE KILLAH

One of my mother's favorite memories was when I asked her if I could stay home from school. When she came in to tell me to get dressed and ready at 6:00AM, I was already sitting at my little desk in the corner of the room. On the desk was my school workbook and a duck lamp that my mom bought me. I could barely sleep the night before; I was too excited.

Even though I wasn't showing any symptoms, she allowed me to stay. Since my father built his office as an extension on our house, he would be able to check up on me throughout the day. Every few hours, he would come upstairs to check on me. Each time he did, I was still sitting in the same spot. He brought me some lunch around noon to make sure that I had something to eat.

Shortly after lunch, I had completed the entire workbook. By doing so, my entire schedule for the rest of the month at school. When my mother returned home, I was still sitting in my pajamas at my desk. I showed her and my father what I had done; they were more than pleased. I had so much fun doing my school work, however, that when I was finished, I wished I had more to do.

“I TOOK A WALK IN THE WOODS AND CAME OUT TALLER THAN THE TREES.” – HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Pleased with myself, I returned to class the next day—stress free. There was nothing that motivated me more than having freedom or the ability to choose where I spent my time. By not feeling pressured to learn about things with which I had no interest, I was excited to follow the whispers of my own curiosities, pulling me towards my future. While the other kids were working, I took it upon myself to pick out a few books from the shelves; and so, I went through the school's personal “forest of knowledge.”

There was a corner of the school that held all of the bookshelves, from the floor to the ceiling. I walked through the small space and allowed the energy behind the focus of my eyes focus on a few titles. Wherever they landed, I picked the books up and put them under my arm. I didn't ask myself why my eyes went to those book spines; however, the less I questioned this invisible guidance, the better things seemed to work out for me.

Right-Brain Whale Skimmers

“I WAS RIDING ON THE MAYFLOWER WHEN I THOUGHT I SPIED SOME LAND. I YELLED FOR CAPTAIN ARAB, I'LL HAVE YOU UNDERSTAND. WHO CAME A-RUNNING TO THE DECK. SAID, 'BOYS, FORGET THE WHALE. WE'RE GOIN' OVER YONDER; CUT THE ENGINES, CHANGE THE SAILS.'" – “BOB DYLAN'S DREAM” BY BOB DYLAN

The texts that I chose were both interesting and challenging. One of them was a book about how to learn Spanish. Another book was Moby Dick. It was the biggest book on the shelf, and I thought that if I could read it, not only would it please my parents, but I could assure myself that there was no other book in that entire library that I wouldn't be able to understand. I enjoyed taking things to the extreme as a way to assure myself that I would eliminate any stressful unknowns or self-conscious doubts. Even if I couldn't “get” something right away, I knew that I had was brave enough to make an attempt. That alone assured me that I wasn't trying to avoid something just because it was difficult. After all, my father always taught me to go head-first into things that may be difficult.

When I sat back down at my desk, I flipped through the pages of the books I had collected. When I got to Moby Dick, I started reading it, but soon got lost. Before I quit, however, I went through the book and looked at all of the pictures so that I could get a visual picture of how to relate the words to the story. After a few pictures, I eventually went back and did my best to speed-read through the pages. A few words in every paragraph would jump out into focus. I would put those words together and summarize the main idea of the book. Therefore, the words I didn't know could be figured out by using context clues.

“RHYMES OVERFLOWING, GRADUALLY GROWING. EVERYTHING IS WRITTEN IN THE COLD, SO IT CAN COIN-CIDE, MY THOUGHTS TO GUIDE, 48 TRACKS TO SLIDE.” – “MICROPHONE FIEND” BY ERIC B. AND RAKIM

Eventually, I finished reading Moby Dick. Even though I didn't fully understand it, my mind had been opened to a much larger lexicon to which I had not previously been exposed. As a result, I ended up learning more about the book when I was focused on other things. Even without making a conscious effort to think about it, the more allowed my subconscious mind to process, the more I could recognize the pages—even the ones that I didn't think that I fully read. It was almost as if my brain had scanned the book while I was jumping from word to word.

After about a week of reading these books, I was led to go onto the next thing. There were so many different areas of the school I wanted to investigate. I even asked the teacher if I could get one of the workbooks that the older kids were doing—just to see if I could too. After a day or two, I finished the math assignments they older kids were working on. Since I had already learned most of it from my sister, it was pretty easy and I didn't need any help.

Mother Nature's Black Hole Son

“IT'S POETRY IN MOTION. SHE TURNED HER TENDER EYES TO ME. AS DEEP AS ANY OCEAN. AS SWEET AS ANY HARMONY. BUT SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE.” -- "SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE” BY THOMAS DOLBY

After completing extra math assignments, I followed my curiosities elsewhere: science. Since I was able to learn everything so quickly; the problem was actually finding something that would fill my time for more than a few days at a time. In only 3 weeks, I was reading at a higher level, practiced advanced math skills, and understood the basics of meteorology and photosynthesis from the older kids' science books.

A few days beforehand, my 1st grade class had just participated in a group experiment. For our project, we each grew a plant and then placed it in different conditions. The lesson was primarily about how to conduct an experiment using the scientific process. We had control groups and experimental groups; in each, we identified variable and fixed resources. There were four different environment total. In 3 of the groups, each plant was expected to grow without one of the three things: water, sunlight, or soil. The 4th group was a control group that had all of them. Over the course of the next few weeks, we would observe the growth of the 3 restricted groups and compare them to the control group. Each morning we would show up to school, I would run immediately to the plants to see how they changed from the day before.

“SHE’S PARTICLE NUMBER ONE. I’M THE FATHER OF THE AXIS. TALL VERTICAL DIRECTION. LIGNIN LIKENED TO HUMANITY. LEARNED LANGUAGE OF OUR SUN. PHOTOSYNTHETIC AFFINITY, CHANNELING THROUGH HUMANITY. INVISIBLE KEY. HARMONIC FREQUENCY.” – “BOTTOM TO THE TOP” BY JD STAHL

This was my first experience with watching something grow from a seed. My curiosity and enthusiasm was so focused that the plants felt like my children. I watched the seeds sprout above the soil. The experimental groups—though much slower—eventually followed. What I noticed was that the restricted groups seemed to overcompensate for their deprivation. It seemed that no matter what, they were driven to grow, regardless of the circumstances. As I watched them sprout, I did my best to relate myself to what they were doing, analyzing areas of my life that felt either experimental or restricted in some way.

The more I related to the personification of these plants, the more emotionally connected to them I felt. It was almost as if I could “hear” the ones in the closet beg me for sunlight. I guess you could say that I often wished the same thing. As a result, I could empathically communicate with the plants in the closet. During the day, I would occasionally glance over to the closet door as if the plants were calling to me.

Since the experiment was not yet over, I went to visit them several times each day. I silently assured them that I would “save” them eventually, placing them outside as soon as we finished the assignment. Relating to them in such a way, I questioned what I would feel like if I was ever taken away from the things that I loved the most—just as an experiment. My natural yearning for knowledge was like a flower growing to the sun. As a result, I became very engaged with the project. As each day passed I started to look at the entire world with a similar consideration, listening to the silent whispers coming out from within every living thing, crying out for the light.

“THE ESSENCE. THE BASICS. WITHOUT IT, YOU MAKE IT ALLOW ME TO MAKE THIS CHILDLIKE, IN NATURE. RHYTHM: YOU HAVE IT OR YOU DON'T—THAT'S A FALLACY, I'M IN THEM. EVERY SPIRALING TREE, EVERY CHILD OF PEACE. EVERY CLOUD I SEE.” – “CLINT EASTWOOD” BY GORILLAZ

When the experiment was over, I was excited to finally deliver these sun-starved plants outside into the light, saving them from an eventual death. It was as if I shared the moment with them, remembering when I celebrated the sun after a long period with cloudy skies. Each day afterwards, I watched the plant thrive, emitting an incredible feeling of gratitude. Even though I was fortunate enough to not have the plants die, it was the first time that I ever had to consider death while establishing an empathic relationship. Being so considerate of the plant needs on a personal level, I now knew what it felt like to save a life.

After that project, I did whatever I could to establish this deeper connection with everything I learned. More than that, I structured all of my observations—in school and at home—based around the scientific process. I questioned everything around me to ensure consistency and identify all variables, ensuring that I would not confuse these with the fixed ones. Eventually, everyone that I met would be categorized in these basic ways, helping me even further to create a database in my memory for more efficient indexing and recall.

“REBELLIOUS NATURE, LIKE DEVIANT TREES, GROWING TO THE SUN. AT ALL COSTS, BREAKING BRANCHES AND SPLITTING STONES. CREATING A RIGHTEOUSNESS WITH EXISTENCE—FOR FUN. CREATING THEIR HOME.” – “ABSOLUTION” BY JD STAHL

At this point, everything in my environment began to look like an experiment—or at least enough like one that I could consider all possible options and alternatives. When I saw someone struggling, I would ask myself what they may be deprived of that was preventing them from succeeding. I started, of course, by doing this to myself. I became more self-aware as I began to understand the reasoning behind my own nature.

I started to ask the “why” questions—but to myself. Seeking to attain a deeper understanding of the world, I proceeded to analyze everything and everyone. I didn't stop until I could uncover the reasoning behind everything. Since there were times that I was driven to do or say things that I had yet to learn, that also meant that all people were capable of not completely understanding their own motivations. And so, I began looking underneath even the smallest variables in everyday life. No longer did I require books or organized projects to learn. Everywhere I went—every person, animal, and plant—became an endless library just waiting to be understood.

My entire environment just revealed itself from a singularity—an influx point of consistency that tied everything together. If I could find these consistencies, then I could find answers; else, I would be driven to ask “why” until I could find an answer. My mind was like a computer program, feasting on the entire physical world until I could identify universal truths that would free my mind from recursive cycles and loops. Fortunately, even when I wasn't paying conscious attention, my brain was continuously processing data. There was a part of me always whispering, timelessly existing in the background, eternally waiting for me to return to the conversation. In the Sun, we were one.

Crazy

JD Stahl (09/19/2017)

Many may call me crazy, 'Cause I believe in the ideal. Archetypical qualities, Merged with a synchronistic feel. But I promise to walk the language. Between the lines, I travel light. And I understand the need for beauty. The love I have will never fight. I see you with a painter, teacher. For things I dream, I remember. I'll burn desire for these memories, Spiraling down to the last embers. Astral projection at the reception As you breath the machine of truth. Stand before the judges, hypnotized. Searching for my intention in the proof. It's all too easy to make it simple. For the rules stick to if, then, or else. Each line of logic is freed by time. Complexity unravels to strangle myself. And it all happens for reasons I know. I've designed this moment for you. In hesitation, you will not be lost. For I have written that into this too. When the cameras pan back to you, The audience will be part of my joke. It's all part of the story that you know. And the purpose is the lesson I evoke. My crown of thorns are voices I hear. And they come from the root of mind. I was born to paint my pictures. I was born to decipher the rhymes. Tempered beauty on the eyes of the blue Cannot be denied by the presence of you. Capital sickness and lost lives be gained. From traveling wilderness and the blessed insane. The women still stand atop this higher plane, Waiting for the men to find true love again. And they suffer with statues and burn from within. The books and mirrors are holding their sin. And how am I too simple to speak on their lives. When I'm still laying in bed, holding my knives. I would love to tell you from when I have come, But you have sent me to where I'll be from.