(B02C08) Chapter 8: The Boys Twain

Polarization Expressed

“WANNA PLAY CRICKET ON THE GREEN. RIDE MY BIKE ACROSS THE STREET. CUT MYSELF AND SEE MY BLOOD. WANNA COME HOME ALL COVERED IN MUD. I'M A BOY, I'M A BOY, BUT MY MA WON'T ADMIT IT.” – “I'M A BOY” BY THE WHO

Soon after my bike riding lesson with my father, I felt empowered. Not only had I learned how to ride my bike in a single lesson, but I had also learned how to ride on a higher frequency of awareness, above my emotional reactivity. It only took a few minutes in my father's presence to give me a sense of validation, acceptance, and connection. With this new sense of confidence, I freed myself from emotional reactivity and subconscious attempts to garner sympathy from others. After spending so much time with my mother, sister, and female cousins, I finally learned that it was “safe” to be able to show strength and presence without feeling that I would intimidate those around me.

I transitioned from a world primarily filled with feminine dominance to one where more stereotypical masculine traits were present. I introduced myself to other boys in class and even attempted to befriend those who I previously would have avoided because of their subtle aggressive tendencies. However, I consider myself quite fortunate that I was able to fully explore my own feminine characteristics before I was introduced to the “boys' club.”

I had been given plenty of time to become consciously aware of how my energies were expressed, both physically and emotionally. It allowed me to feel more in control of my emotional reactivity, ensuring that I would be more aware of how I could make attempts to dominate others or manipulate them to make myself feel more confident. Like a goldfish, my energy expanded significantly, fully engendering the feminine vibration and establishing an empathic telepathy that helped me to discern fact from fiction—unity from separation. By being able to identify the core aspect of everyone, I remained connected to a truth in every being before it could be channeled to support the physical illusion or impose my will upon others for my own selfish reasons.

By taking full responsibility for how my energies were expressed, I reconciled both masculine and feminine energies. By creating a sense of balance between potential energy and expressed (kinetic) energy, I could transcend that state of duality and proceed to the “next level” of awareness. Beyond the emotional and mental planes was one that required a discernment between good and evil—light and darkness. This level is entirely based on the energy channeled through the rational mind itself. We focus and channel this energy towards our preferences, which are rooted in our subconscious programs.

When we attempt to incorporate duality, the energy splits into two primary channels. However, above duality—at the level of raw energy (Unity Consciousness), such subjectivity does not exist. When we process everything in our life from the perspective of rawness, that energy becomes malleable, capable of being shaped and channeled towards increasing our vibration so that we can remain conscious in perspectives outside of dualism.

Just as every strength is a weakness, all suffering can eventually be consumed so that it can be transmuted into grace. As long as there is an aspect or polarity within ourselves that has not yet been explored, accepted, and consumed, the universe will respond by creating situations where these energies can be externalized in a way that we can subjectively observe them. After we have been able to remove our biases from our observations, we can learn from our experiences. When we stop seeking either credit or blame, we are able find purpose. When we find purpose in all of our experiences, the polarities cancel out and we return to a homeostatic equanimity (receiving grace) and proceed, again, to the “next level.”

“UNSTOPPABLE FOCUS. UNMATCHED PASSION. HIGH FROM YOUR SEX AND YOUR DISTRACTION. ARROGANT, POMPOUS, OPEN SUBCONSCIOUS. INVISIBLE FORTH WALL IS BECOMING OBNOXIOUS.” – “ALL COMING BACK” BY JD STAHL

If we are still susceptible to emotional reactivity, we will not yet be capable of advancement towards spiritual divination or communion with our higher selves (spiritual entities). To bond energetically with collections of higher vibration, we have to eliminate various levels of fragmentation—all the way until we are capable of remaining conscious above duality itself. Our very relationship with a spiritual hierarchy is proportional to the locus of our consciousness, from moment to moment.

Not only are these truths expressed in religious texts or spiritual dialogues, but they are also congruent with scientific standards, mathematical proofs, and every other branch of intellectual or philosophical linguistics. In order for one branch to maintain truth, all must harmoniously balance, else limits are imposed. We never attempt to eliminate or disregard any plane of existence, we combine them and stack these energies on top of one another until we can can balance them all in every moment. Whenever we are capable of becoming consciously aware of multiple planes of reality, our vibration increases and our cells follow suit, approaching the speed of light.

Increasing vibration towards the speed of light could be envisioned as an increased ability to channel our nervous system's signals without a loss of messaging clarity. These losses occur when our conscious state of awareness is focused primarily on the physical body or other 3rd dimensional concepts. Things that are “heavy” are those where our consciousness energy becomes fixed or “trapped” within matter. The less we identify with our bodies, egos, or any other “thing” in space or time, the more we identify with “lighter” or “loftier” concepts. By channeling our consciousness away from density and more into non-physical concepts like truth, compassion, and unconditional love, we free ourselves from the limitations that perpetuate attachment, suffering, and dependency.

All God Yokes Deserve Light Hand Clapping

“I’LL NEVER LEARN. NO. I’LL NEVER LEARN TO BE BLIND TO THE CALL. A DISTANT COLLECTION OF ALL THAT IS ALL. TO CLOSE MY SHUDDERS. TO CLOSE MY MIND. TRUTH BREAKS, AND I REACH. THE CROWD LEAPS, AWAY. AWAY FROM ME. I LEARN TO TEACH. TOO QUIET TO SPEAK. DIAMONDS FOR THE MEEK.” – “STRAIGHT LINE” BY JD STAHL

Physical matter can accelerate to—but never exceed—the speed of light. Between the synapses of our brain's neural pathways and the nodes of our nervous system are flashes of lightning, sending and receiving messages. Like a stormy sky, the ionic charges create a temporary bridge between our divine nature and our physical body. In the purity of this light is an energy that is sourced from outside of time and space. The “flash” of inspiration holds all the entirety of universal wisdom; however, by the time it passes through the threshold of our physical body, much of that information is lost to the density of our cellular structure.

If we can transition our conscious awareness away from our cellular body and limit the amount of energy that we devote to our physical structure, we can begin to transcend our physical limitations enough to carry more and more of this divine wisdom (light) to our conscious mind. By cutting the power that we normally channel into our physical senses, the energy seeks to be expressed elsewhere. Therefore, the more we become consciously aware of our higher self, this energy can be expressed towards our clair-essence senses (claircognizance, clairsentience, clairaudience, clairvoyance). These are the senses that are stand above time and space—the location of all unbiased truth.

“WORDS COMIN' FORTH LIKE WATER FROM THE TAP. CLAP TRACKS LINE THE SPACES PLACES PAPERS PEOPLE STACK. BACK TRACK THROUGH THE MINUTES WHEN THE THOUGHTS WENT INSANE. I PULLED THE PICTURE OFF THE COVER AND BLEW OUT THE MIND GAMES.” – “ELECTRIFY” BY THE BEASTIE BOYS”

Like a lightning “clap” between the hands of God and Adam in Michelangelo's Creation of Adam painting on the sistine chapel, our 9 senses (5 physical and 4 clair-essence) combine and become concentrated into a 10th sense (“dime-oned” or “diamond”). This “invincible” 10th sense is the pure white light; it flows through us with enough power to give new life and restore us back into our highest vibratory state: enlightenment or divinity. All nonlinear timelines merge in these moments, restoring every cell back to its perfected state of initiation. In these moments, our pineal gland releases DMT, clearing out static electric memory and engaging our brains tenfold.

While we are in these awakened states and still remain harmonious in a physical form, we are capable of bearing the waters of truth. As long as we don't attempt to attach bias or preference to these truths, we can remain in this vertical alignment, maintaining our divine connection—physically, psychologically, and spiritually. While all experiences are perceived without fear, doubt, or concern, truth becomes apparent in all things. Everyone we meet is then revealed to be a delivery method (temple) for grace; this is brought forth as either water (creation) or fire (destruction). If we ever wish to command all three aspects of this divine energy in order to become a living human portal for higher vibration (preservation), we must reconcile our alignment in everything we do, say, and intend. We are only capable of wielding the power of our divine inheritance when we can maintain conscious awareness on all planes simultaneously.

While maintaining linear consistency on 10 levels of awareness at a time can seem burdensome or schizophrenic, we only run into trouble when we attempt to see each level as separate from one another. The higher we ascend in our cellular vibration, the more these levels converge overtop of one another. No matter what sensory perspective we prioritize from moment to moment, we must realize that there is a central point of light that they all share. If we place 10 sheets of tracing paper over one another, there will be at least ONE point on all the sheets that shares the same position. The proverbial “lightning” strikes at the point of convergence—like sticking a pencil through all 10 sheets of paper. As we follow the “lead” through the stack of paper, we ascend to a higher dimension, outside of both space and time.

“A PICTURE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS, MEEK. BUT A MOMENT KNOWING THE SOUL SAYS A MILLION. ‘CAUSE PHYSICIAN FORM, ONLY A MUTED NORM. AND BETWEEN THESE QUICK CLICKS IS A BILLION.” – “SAFE IN THIS MOMENT” BY JD STAHL

The secret remains; from the many are few. In every moment, all of these states of awareness; it is only our perception which determines where our locus of consciousness will exist in that moment. This means that when we isolate our locus of consciousness into linearity or singular application, we experience life in separation—divided not only amongst the others, but amongst ourselves. The more we are restricted by these categorizations, the more our rational mind/ego establishes its identity from the perspective of permanent separation (sin). From this solidified state, we will battle over preferences, inconsistent ideals, and other polarized concepts like bipartisan politics, ethnocentric dominance, classism, etc.

When we are externally misaligned or inconsistent, we will immediately create correspondence without internal dimension. To account for the inconsistencies of the external world, we will also develop an aversion to our authenticity and truth; this aversion manifests physically as disease, psychologically as confusion or depression/anxiety, or spiritually as abandonment/lack of faith. All of these aspects create additional desire systems, addictions, attachments, and pretty much any other toxic presence that perpetuates suffering.

Demonstrative Urgency

“HE HID HIS FIRE BEHIND AN INNOCENT CHILD. WHEN THEY CAME TOGETHER, THEY CREATED THE WEATHER. THEY BECAME WILD.” – “THE OPPOSING VIEW” BY JD STAHL

As children, we are rarely taught or introduced to the concepts that allow us to become fully cognizant of dichotomous perspectives. For this reason, our external and internal words have not yet overlapped enough to reconcile all polarities without requiring externalization or projective experiences. In a Venn diagram, the circles of self and environment are separated. Until we are taught to relate our experiences as mirrored energies of our subconscious, we will continue to create additional separation (sin) in our environment. Our goal, then, must be to see each experience through “bifocal lenses.”

Having just recently been introduced to my own masculine strength and abilities, I required enough “practice” so that eventually I would be able to “own” the archetypal strength that my father had shown me while teaching me how to ride a bike. Because I had this one desire (to develop my masculine identity), the energy I sent out bifurcated into two opposing perspectives. On one side, I was curiously excited to practice my new abilities and strength without feeling obligated to negate them with a feminine sensitivity. However, that excitement was balanced out by a fear of my own power. Perhaps I would completely ignore my empathic sensitivities and let my strength run wild, eventually creating a violent or control-driven aggression.

Merely considering that there was a possibility that I could become violent or aggressive towards another person created a lack of faith in myself that caused internal separation (sin or self-denial). After learning that fighting with my sister caused my mother to exhibit characteristics that were inconsistent with my ideal, the last thing that I wanted to do was repeat the incident. Though that moment wasn't necessarily traumatic, it was significant enough to create an emotional bookmark. While I was temporarily in a state of extreme shock and fear, I instinctually created a self-defense mechanism. I placed a limit on my ability to display a certain range of emotions that would create the same experience.

As a result, I became very sensitive to aggression—so much so that I felt I was unable to display my more masculine characteristics without their eventually leading to negative consequences. If I was ever to break free from the fears that perpetuated this boundary, I would have to witness masculinity in another person—at least until I could see that unconditional love was still present beyond it. After learning to maintain self-control and objectivity during these moments, I could then (consciously) take accountability for my full potential.

Without having this type of faith, I would be subject to emotional reactivity beyond my ability to consciously determine how it was expressed. Whenever any of us are unable to trust our own free will, the universe conspires to present us with situations and experience until we trust ourselves enough to channel our full power. When our sovereign power and free will are aligned, everything that we do, say and create is in full alignment with divine truth. Every single living being is predetermined to reach this state of enlightenment—whether we want to or not.

Out of Thin Ahriman

“HUMAN BEINGS CAN BE AWFUL CRUEL TO ONE ANOTHER.” – MARK TWAIN

The day arrived when I met the boy down the street. His name was Aaron. Aaron was full of energy and curiosity. The two of us got along quite well. Aaron was about 10 months older than I, but both of us seemed to be perfect complements to one another. While we played with our toys and introduced our likes and dislikes to each other, I could already feel that we were taking on each others en'ergy. In the areas where we were similar, I could feel a rush of energy arrive through the validation. In the areas where we differed, I became curious, causing me to look deeper into who Aaron was.

The first difference that I noticed about Aaron was the way he laughed. Compared to my simple smile and bubbly enthusiasm, Aaron laughed with force. On the outside, I appeared more sensitive than he. Just observing the ways that Aaron found enjoyment, I sensed the presence of resentment—almost as if he had to fight something inside of him before he felt he could release his defenses and enjoy the moment.

Even though I had been around other boys my age in school, this experience was different. Aaron's display of masculinity was different than anything I had previously observed. There was a momentary hesitation between Aaron's emotions; a subtle transition that spoke volumes of Aaron's personal internal world. It would be like watching the pistons of an engine ignite blasts from a spark plug in a combustion engine.

Aaron kept on going back-and-forth between states of self-defense and enjoyment. In fact, he went through this so much that you could tell that he was confusing the two as a single state of awareness. For this reason, he seemed to enjoy his aggressive tendencies, but also appeared frustrated ever time that he would relax into a state of sensitivity or vulnerability.

The Lightning Thieves

“THEN THE LORD SAID TO CAIN, “WHY ARE YOU ANGRY? AND WHY HAS YOUR COUNTENANCE FALLEN? IF YOU DO WELL, WILL NOT YOUR COUNTENANCE BE LIFTED UP? AND IF YOU DO NOT DO WELL, SIN IS CROUCHING AT THE DOOR; AND ITS DESIRE IS FOR YOU, BUT YOU MUST MASTER IT.” – GENESIS 4:6-7

Aaron was, by no means, physically abusive; he was playfully reckless, often expressing his blasts of energy by running head-on into dangerous situations so that he could continue to return to the energetic blasts of lightning. I truly believe that he wanted to understand what caused his confusion between love and pain. Underneath that confusion, his entire will to live hinged on his figuring out if he was to blame or credit for every single moment his conscious mind passed through. Unfortunately, to do that, he would have to identify whether his internal combustion was a gift or a curse.

Subjectively, I viewed Aaron as mirror to my own sense of confusion between polarities. After all, I too had my own lightning claps before. Mine, however, were more present when I was torn between physical selfishness and non-physical selflessness—active aggression and passive aggression. I was surely not a stranger to making attempts to manipulate myself or others so that I could feel more powerful. Aaron was my reciprocal reflection; the difference between our reasons for seeking dominance or power were the same, only expressed differently. I attempted to find power and control so that I could understand people deeper and—at the same time—protect myself from abandonment. Aaron's motivation, however, came from something that I did not quite understand—not yet, anyway.

“AH, IF HE COULD ONLY DIE TEMPORARILY!” – MARK TWAIN (THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER)

Because Aaron and I were so similar, we became close almost immediately. In just a short time, I could separate his aggressive tendencies from who he truly was behind it. His childlike curiosity kept making appearances, coming to the surface occasionally to reveal his true nature. In those moments where he made attempts to understand his hesitance towards vulnerability, I not only saw inherent humility, but I saw innocence behind the flames of confusion. He was emotionally locked, stuck in between his internal and external worlds.

Fortunately, I could tell that he already trusted me enough to display momentary vulnerability around me without immediately becoming reactive or defensive. Occasionally, however, he would test me. In a playful way—with a smile on his face—he would roughhouse or try to intimidate me to see if I would react or change the way that I felt around him.

It was like watching two wolves fight as pups. You could tell that there was no true malice. The practice was more an attempt to strengthen our discernment between our rational or irrational threats—to test our boundaries so that we knew where our trust would cross over into instinctual self-defense. The two of us sharpened our proverbial swords from each other, establishing more than a brotherhood between our opposing personalities. When he realized that I was non-reactive to his rough play, he relaxed enough to display his emotions.

Our alternating currents seemed to establish a harmony. As long as we were not distracted by others or didn't incorporate additional parties into our friendship—in presence or spirit—we were copacetic. As we established a foundation of trust, we felt more and more comfortable entertaining our enthusiastic curiosities. I saw Aaron as personal gateway to my own sense of adventure, while Aaron seemed to look at me as personal permission slip to relax and enjoy each moment—without fear.

“RIGHT IS RIGHT, AND WRONG IS WRONG, AND A BODY AIN'T GOT NO BUSINESS DOING WRONG WHEN HE AIN'T IGNORANT AND KNOWS BETTER.”  – MARK T\WAIN (THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER)

Because I cared about Aaron as much as I did, I sought to understand him more deeply. This was my personal language of love; analyzing people in such a way helped me to validate my curiosities and prevented me—at the time—from confronting my own fears of abandonment. However, even those fears were eventually cleansed when I proved that I didn't react negatively to expectations not being met. After all, it is only our attachments to preferences—not the preferences themselves—that cause us to project suffering via externalization. Though I would experience momentary frustration and occasional “blasts” or tantrums, I made sure that I wouldn't allow them to be expressed by any physical means.

My curiosity eventually led me to take a look at Aaron's home environment to see where he was most triggered. I objectively observed Aaron as if he were a character in one of my favorite movies. By doing so, I disconnected my ego from the situation. Since my priority was centered around objective understanding, I didn't project any judgment on the things that were different between the two of us. If I had believed my situation to be “normal,” that would only cause me to see his as “abnormal,” causing me to judge or make unfair comparisons about who Aaron was as a person. Instead, I used my discernment as a means to identify who WE were, and how we complemented each other. I did not see us as separate, but interdependent. Each of us held the answers to the other's “darker” areas that lacked awareness; his strengths were my weaknesses, and vice versa.

“LET ALL BITTERNESS AND WRATH AND ANGER AND CLAMOR AND SLANDER BE PUT AWAY FROM YOU, ALONG WITH ALL MALICE. BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER, TENDER-HEARTED, FORGIVING EACH OTHER, JUST AS GOD IN CHRIST ALSO HAS FORGIVEN YOU.” – EPHESIANS 4:31-32

Because I saw Aaron from a complementary perspective, I could establish a much deeper connection with him. After so much practice being able to view things from a bifocal perspective (in computer games and movies), negotiating my awareness in both dimensions was neither foreign nor difficult. So, when we played in his house or outdoors, I consciously observed his mannerisms. This nonverbal language communicated all of the things that Aaron was not yet comfortable enough to share on his own.

What I eventually hoped to do was to find the weak spot in his emotional armor so that I could expose it. If I could do to Aaron what my father did to me during my bike riding tutorial, then I too could introduce Aaron to a brand-new world, one where his pain could be seen as an illusion. In Aaron I saw the opportunity to practice giving the gift that my father had given to me. I felt that if I could do this, not only would Aaron himself benefit, but I would also have a personal experience that would allow me to continue looking at my father as an equal—as a friend.

I imagined giving this gift to Aaron. I got excited at the possibility that I could essentially create a brother by simply extending to him an act of kindness that would give him the permission to be free from his own irrational fears. Doing so would only deepen our friendship and it would also allow me to reconcile my subconscious and conscious states of awareness and be fully present. Unfortunately, even though my intentions were noble, exposing someone's weakness when they are not yet ready to confront it can only exacerbate the defenses they have built up around their innocence. After a few unsuccessful attempts to cleanse Aaron's subconscious, I fell back and waited until he felt more comfortable to share his emotions.

Hucking Stones and Jacking Spoons

“WELL THEY CALL ME MIKE D, THE EVER-LOVING MAN. I'M LIKE SPOONIE G, WELL I'M THE METRO POLITICIAN.” – “SO WHATCHA WANT” BY THE BEASTIE BOYS

Rarely in television shows and movies did the main characters verbalize their emotions while they transitioned through their difficulties. Fortunately, all one has to do is observe the nonverbal cues of the actors in order to empathize with what they are going through. Every hero's journey essentially has the same components, just like Homer's Odyssey. In order to “earn” the full strength of the hero archetype, each main character has to endure a struggle that brings forth humility and self-control. The humble sacrifices that these heroes make are necessary so that when they do not abuse their power when it is received.

If the character (ego/persona) is not yet capable of handling the humility in both extremes, they will remain in a repetitive cycle until they reach acceptance and forgiveness at the deepest level of their subconscious awareness. There isn't anyone in the external world who can either stop or allow the full power of our being to arrive from within. Therefore, if we ever feel jealous or otherwise feel victimized by others, we are only revealing to ourselves that we still believe that someone else can decide whether or not we are “ready” to receive our divine inheritance: the true sovereign power of the soul. The soul essentially lives in a glass house—the same glass house where all souls live. To judge one soul over another (by comparison) is not only immature, but it is also dangerous. Throwing stones in this glass house always delivers us to destruction or other karmic energies that may not be well-received.

The more people that we observe without being reactive, the more we accrue this sovereign power. By not comparing, competing, or otherwise allowing their actions to change our course, we recall or “re-member” divine pieces of ourselves so that we can return to a conscious state of wholeness once again. Recognizing that we are greater than the sum of all parts is tantamount to establishing an archetypal ideal of all possible variations. In order to “earn” these ideal archetypes, we have to endure all possible polarities of their expressed energy—without favoring or refusing either extreme.

Whenever I would spend time with Aaron at his house, I would watch how he would react to his family. Eventually I learned that the woman who ushered Aaron down the street was not his biological mother. His biological father remarried after divorcing and Aaron ended up living full-time with his father and stepmother. Aaron also had two step-siblings that were a few years younger. I could tell after a short time that there was a bit of resentment that Aaron carried, causing him to feel somewhat isolated and alone.

Aaron's defenses were always heightened around his family, causing him to act differently. Most often, his reactions to his stepmother were preemptively argumentative; I guess it was his way of maintaining emotional distance to protect himself from repeating a painful experience in his past. The details of these possibly-traumatic moments were not necessary as important as how he felt about them. Aaron didn't talk much about his anger—only that he felt that his stepmother favored his half-brother and sister. Even though Aaron loved his father, you could also tell that he was hesitant to open up to him because he didn't fully trust that his father would protect him from his stepmother's favor for the other two children.

Aaron never really spoke about his biological mom, and I didn't think it was my place to ask. It's not that I wasn't interested, as much as I could realize that it really didn't matter. I wanted Aaron to be completely in control of who he wanted to be. I didn't want him to feel trapped by his past experiences or even limited to how others felt about him. By giving him freedom to create an entirely new persona in my presence, he felt more free to express himself without fear.

And so, I did my best to reciprocate his expression. In order to better understand my new friend, I did what I had done with every other person in my life: I mirrored them to establish unbiased empathy. I often just allowed Aaron to project on me his present feelings. Without creating resistance, eventually he could relax enough to completely unravel into his purest authentic identity. It is in this state of truth that I witnessed everyone feel the most joyful and loving. Like a carbonated soda after being shaken, he would occasionally need to release the pressure of his painful emotions. When all was said and done, I would wipe my emotional state clean and we could be present together at the same emotional level.

Essentially, as I said, this was the same practice that my father had shown me how to do while riding my bike. I took every opportunity to practice his stoicism when I was with Aaron. Though he didn't verbally express it, I could tell by Aaron's demeanor that he appreciated the fact that I allowed him to vent his frustrations—even if they were temporarily directed towards me. When I didn't fight back or defend myself, the poltergeist would depart from him and his unabashed smile would return to his face. When I saw his smile would again resemble his father's unapologetic grin, I knew that I had my friend back again.

Turning Jacks and Laying Tracks

“JOHN HENRY'S PAPPY WOKE HIM UP ONE MIDNIGHT. HE SAID BEFORE THE SHERIFF COMES I WANNA TELL YOU, LISTEN BOY. HE SAID LEARN TO BALL A JACK, LEARN TO LAY A TRACK, LEARN TO PICK AND SHOVEL TOO, AND TAKE MY HAMMER, IT'LL DO ANYTHING YOU TELL IT TO.” – “LEGEND OF JOHN HENRY'S HAMMER” BY JOHNNY CASH

What I didn't realize at the time was that Aaron was actually projecting the resentment he had on his father upon me, silently engendering me with his dad's archetypal energy. Because I chose to be reactive and practice my father's egoless presence, both Aaron and I were sharing pieces of our collective puzzle that we both needed in order to return to our authentic identities.

Unfortunately, this cooperative practice of role-playing can really only be successful if one can resist taking on the other person's energy as their own. It takes a lot of practice to maintain the necessary stoicism for another person to recognize that their projections on others are sourced from within. In our people's defense, unless it is explained in a language that we understand, we struggle to reach the necessary level of conscious awareness that is required to break free from these cycles.

To reach this level, we must fully acknowledge both our pain and suffering, but also the utility and purpose of those events as separate from one another. When we can discern our emotional reactivity from the Witness, we can then release or “save” ourselves from the time loops that were preventing us from transitioning to the next “level.”

“HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE VOICES THAT REVEAL THE SECRETS ALL. DEEP INSIDE YOU IS THE ANSWER. UNDERNEATH THE PILING OF YOUR FEARS. SEE? THE BUZZ IS ALL AROUND YOU. YOUR HEAVEN AWAITS YOU HERE.” – “OPERATION RAINBOW” BY JD STAHL

If people remain in the lower levels for too long, energies that were mere projections eventually begin to solidify; as we attempt to establish empathy with another person, we create a correspondent energy that can transfigure us. Our best intentions, sometimes, have a way of tricking us into taking on guilt and shame that was never ours to begin with. Children often take on this energy, simply because they are so open to establishing empathic relationships with those they love the most. Honest communication can help this. Any holding back will only serve to strengthen the projection and create fortified boundaries around the recipient's sense of self-awareness or unconditional expressions of emotional energy (love or compassion).

Fortunately, the archetypal patterns that we take on will remain, hidden underneath our fears and defenses, waiting for the moment where we can absolve ourselves from them and accept the full expression without imposing favor or denial. When we are able to recognize the balance that is required for all energies to manifest in the physical world, we will realize that it is only our rational awareness that can rise to the challenge of maintaining the necessary level of self-control that is required to hold true sovereignty.

The Yoke is Light

“AND IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T GO ON. IN THE LIGHT YOU WILL FIND THE ROAD. THOUGH THE WINDS OF CHANGE MAY BLOW AROUND YOU. BUT THAT WILL ALWAYS BE SO. WHOA WHOA, WHEN LOVE IS PAIN IT CAN DEVOUR YOU, BUT YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. I WILL SHARE YOUR LOAD.” – “IN THE LIGHT” BY LED ZEPPELIN

We use our emotional intelligence to defeat our reactivity. Any remainder of energy that we refuse to—or of that which we are not yet conscious—can be considered the “darkness” that we have yet to incorporate into our awareness. Our relationship to time hinges on these remainders. As a result, we will “forever” remain in time until we can reconcile our opposites and maintain a conscious identity as “absolute zero,” balancing out both positive and negative perspectives equally. No darkness remains; because, well, we have become the light, and everywhere we go (internally or externally) is seen equally from all possible perspectives, in Truth.

While Aaron had been projecting onto me the aspects of his father that he refused to accept within himself, I was also doing the same for him. There were parts of my own subconscious that I had not yet identified within my fullest potential. As a child, I had not yet been exposed to examples of violence, anger, or aggression. When I saw Aaron exhibiting some of these traits, I sought to understand his reasoning.

Unfortunately, whenever I did this, I saw Aaron as separate from myself. The space between us remained until I could reestablish a more empathic perspective or identify how I (internally) did the same thing. Even though I wanted to help Aaron and show him that he could be vulnerable and sensitive in my company, I struggled to balance that energy out with him. I was uncomfortable displaying any type of masculine aggression, danger-seeking behavior, or novelty interests because I was worried that those I loved would abandon me or not feel safe in my presence.

In fact, I was so comfortable with my controlled variables, IF/THEN/ELSE philosophy, and structured learning environments that the idea of releasing that sense of control to more chaotic situations was rejected. As a result, I projected all of those characteristics upon Aaron. If I would have any success freeing my best friend from his own anger and aggression, I would eventually have to observe them in myself until I could control them enough to release myself from emotional reactivity or fear. This didn't mean that I had to push people around, throw temper tantrums, or yell at my parents. All I had to do was allow those emotions to flow through me without unconsciously channeling those energies towards physical reactivity.

When our yokes between emotional and physical are tied, we channel our consciousness towards darkness, density, and “heavy” burdens of the physical world. When we simply allow these energies to pass through us without physical reactivity, we increase or energetic stores that we can later use to amplify ourselves towards higher states of consciousness.

Justice is Served

“ONE MAN GATHERS WHAT ANOTHER MAN SPILLS.” – “ST. STEPHEN” BY THE GRATEFUL DEAD

Energy itself is like walking through a buffet or salad bar. All types of energy are always splayed out in front of us. As we make our way through each experience, we fill our plates with our preferences. Even though there are “trays” of energy in front of us that we do not prefer, we are not required to—nor should we endeavor to—dump out or revolt against things we don't like or otherwise clash with our preferences. Doing so would not only be a waste of energy, but it would also impose our will upon others. Similarly, if a tray that normally contained one of our preferences is empty, to throw a tantrum in regards to its absence would expose addictive tendencies, narcissistic expectancy, and emotional immaturity. When we are in balance, we enter the buffet without these attachments and make our choices without emotional reactivity.

Every moment of our lives is yet another trip through the buffet. Some of the available choices are ones we have brought to share; some of them others have brought to shared. When we arrive upon any of these choices, we must remove our emotional reactivity from our likes and dislikes. If we are reactive to our dislikes, there is a high probability that some of those energetic offerings will be spilled on us as a result of trying to remove them from the available options—for everyone. We create karma when we remove available options from other's sovereign freedoms—or otherwise create laws or penalties that prevent others from acting upon their own will. Even if we feel we are protecting people from danger, it is not our place to do so.

As long as we are not able to separate our conscious awareness from our emotions, we will be manipulated by the mere presence of energy itself, causing us to lose our composure and become reactive. If this happens, by the time we have finished the moment's buffet, our plates and our clothing may be covered by the items that were never ours (or our preferences) to begin with. The stains of our emotional reactivity will remain until either someone points them out to us and/or we are able to consciously acknowledge and accept them. After we identify these errant energies, it is only then that we can act upon them and release them.

ABRACADABRA: “I WILL CREATE WHAT I HAVE SPOKEN.”

Whenever we have strong attachments, addictions, or preferences, we are very susceptible to taking on the energies of others. Instead of being able to release them with self-awareness, we instead look for reasons why they are present so that we can validate their presence. We then see these characteristic energies as parts of ourselves, causing our brains to look to create more and more support for their presence. As a result, we magnetically attract people and situations in our lives that will create additional evidentiary support for their presence. What we believe will eventually enter our lives in every possible dimension so that vertical and horizontal balance on all planes can be reached. This is how we not only create self-fulfilling prophecies, but also create problems where they did not initially exist.

Whenever we feel fear, confusion, or are rushed into reactivity, our brains have a way of taking on these energies so that we can prioritize the next moment. As long as we do not have mastery over time, we must keep the proverbial line moving. Without proper self-reflection or introspective practices (meditation or yoga), these energies stain our personas and identities until we cannot see the difference between our ideal (clean) self and our present selves. To avoid embarrassment or having to confront the fact that we are not fully in control of knowing who we are, we often say that the stains are intentional. We either search for a reason to validate their presence or we blame them on someone else's emotional reactivity—someone who was close to us in line.

Perhaps we even picked up a tray and forced someone to fill their plate with something we prefer. Sometimes we can push these things so forcefully upon others that even attempting to block or refuse it causes the item to spill and create a mess. Unfortunately, many of us are unable to see that our forceful impositions on others were the cause of the mess—not the attempt to block or refuse our aggressive expectations.

Cain Did Abilities

“AND ABEL WAS A KEEPER OF FLOCKS, BUT CAIN WAS A TILLER OF THE GROUND.” – GENESIS 4:2

Aaron and I had two completely different home lives. While I was somewhat codependent on the females in my life, Aaron had a well of resentment and confusion directed towards his feminine archetypes. Similarly, Aaron looked up to his father but also felt conflicted that his father didn't protect him from his stepmother's biases towards his other siblings. Meanwhile, I placed my father so highly on my trophy shelf that whatever he said, I believed and revered; at the same time, I felt my father was too far away to establish any type of emotional relationship. Aaron and I got along because we were true foils to one another.

It made sense that he and I preferred to spend our time outdoors, alone. To escape the oppressive environments that defined us, we took to our bikes and rode to the wooded areas in our neighborhood. We were blacktop pioneers, dead set on destroying whatever distance existed between us. Our curiosities turned into refractive lesson plans, delivering sermons in the form of bruises and poison ivy.

In between our occasional displays of vulnerability, Aaron and I played show-and-tell. While he touted his physical strengths, I killed my ego. I simply enjoyed watching him light up, knowing that it was rare he felt comfortable enough to be unapologetically authentic and realize that he “deserved” to be joyful. This gave me a feeling that I was “special” to another male—without being expected to change in order to earn his trust with any masculine displays of aggression or dominance. In exchange for my safe emotional environment, Aaron allowed me to fall and confront the fears that perpetuated my lack of masculinity. He allowed me to see every scrape and cut was a badge of honor, evidence of bravery that exceeded my comforts of safety and predictability.

Between the two of us, we were invincible—like lightning trapped inside of diamond bodies. While I would cleverly solve various problems and seek the best possible route through the trees, Aaron would run head-first into danger. We gave each other a personal permission slip to endeavor beyond our fears. My internal reality gave him an endless sea of emotions to swim safely and his proved to me that there wasn't anything in the external world that could kill us. Both he and I stared at death as if it was just another card in the deck, and it surely was.

Boyertown

JD Stahl (06/12/2007) I’ve been feeling this place ever since I left. Where some friends stayed and other lie. Gracious hosts with gloved hands, kept My back pages and others that never die. You can find a place that holds no sound. Many have called their dreams home. Man travels the world looking for what he found, When he was taught life in Boyertown. I’ll go out. Not knowing, I’ll nod to you. Find a spot where my boys once did play. Endings were never written all the way through. We’ll get together once again…and I’ll stay. Come on down to the place I call home. Where the love comes fast after the first round. You may be by yourself, but never alone. I’ll be with my boys forever in Boyertown. Well I left once, and I’ll never find Another place to place my mind. I’ve never had a better time To sing my songs and write my rhymes.