(B02C11) Chapter 11: Bully Chic

Gender & Toxic Masculinity

“NEVER PLAY YOU. HATE TO SCARE YOU. BUT THERE’S SO MUCH YOU DESERVE. FOR SAVING ME FROM MY OWN PAIN. WHERE I’M ALL ALONE ON THIS EARTH. BUT YOU MAKE ME FEEL THE HERO, AND MUCH LESS INSECURE.” – “ONE MORE TIME” BY JD STAHL

For most of my childhood, I was afraid to stand in my full power because I didn't want to be seen as a “bully” by those I cared about. Even though I never consciously attempted to intimidate them, just the idea of being emotionally abandoned by their interpretation caused me to make concessions to protect their sensitivity. Any moment that I even attempted to display characteristics of masculine energy in the presence of feminine counterparts, they would cower and withdraw their trust. Feeling the absence of their empathy was like getting punched in the stomach, causing me to immediately recoil back into passivity. After a while, I regarded the presence of any masculinity to be “toxic.” Even if I were defending myself, I would feel guilty for doing so. As a result, I never established adequate boundaries.

Not having boundaries gives others complete access to our energy. We essentially “bleed” out of holes in our aura whenever we doubt ourselves, attend to fears, or negotiate moments of confusion. Most of this “bleeding” occurs outside our conscious attention. Certain people (energy vampires) are attracted to people who are constantly struggling. Certain people can even attempt to create problems in others for this reason—consciously or subconsciously. In order to fight off these entities, we must develop a sense of self-confidence and faith that eliminates any doubts we have in past, present, or any possible future events.

From one perspective, this can be seen as having complete blind faith in the balancing forces of the universe. No matter what has happened, is happening, or will happen, we must recognize that everything is happening perfectly as a means to serve us. When we focus on purpose rather than preference, every moment can be tapped for grace. When we have faith in purpose, I causes us to keep our hearts open to everyone and everything, magnetically pulling our sovereign power back upon us. When we reclaim our sovereign power and remove bias, the karmic weight is removed from our backs and falls upon those who impose themselves against us—consciously or subconsciously. Having faith in the balancing power of the universe is much easier when we are able to become conscious of our emotional reactivity and subconscious programming. This is how we consciously develop boundaries; we learn to say “no” without feeling guilty for it.

Having good boundaries that are not susceptible to emotional reactivity is essential. Unless you are consciously aware of how karma balances, one can easily identify as a martyr or victim to external variables. These individuals are easily manipulated by others. None of us are required to be sad when someone dies or someone else is suffering. Being able to balance our faith while still being able to empathize is how we maintain our existence in two different words (densities or dimensions). Existing in multiple planes of existence at once is how we eventually create inner peace and harmony. When we are able to stand on both sides—grounded in both emotion and objectivity—we are not able to be manipulated by either. This is how we establish and maintain our boundaries so that we are protected from people (energy vampires) who attempt to drain us.

Juicing the Currency of the Rational Mind

“SIPPIN' ON GIN AND JUICE, LAID BACK, WITH MY MIND ON MY MONEY AND MY MONEY ON MY MIND.” – “GIN AND JUICE” BY SNOOP DOG

When we are not consciously aware of our presence in both emotional and mental planes, the bias that exists in one will change to accommodate the bias, creating tension, suffering, confusion, and exacerbating the gaping soul wound that causes our energy to leak out from us. By not limiting ourselves to a single dimension, we are able to remain in control of our conscious free will. At any moment, we can simply change our perspectives and return to balance. When we transcend the duality of our karma, we cut the proverbial karmic chains and are free from externalized expectations.

In one density where our hearts are open—without boundaries—our spirit remains formless and etheric, like liquor. This is our “spirit” of pure, blind faith. When we mix this with toxic biases like gender identity or other self-imposed personal agendas, it creates pockets or “bubbles” that can cause things like power or control to “go to our head.” When we are in balance, all of these pockets are eliminated and transmuted into a single juice (like blood plasma). It are these plasmic juices that eventually “feed” the higher densities while still maintain purity, absent from toxicity. When we are able to maintain conscious awareness in both of these states, we are capable of establishing spiritual sovereignty while still being able to maintain transcendence between two separate states (densities) of awareness.

“DRUNK ON THE ABSENCE OF RIGIDITY AND ANXIETY. EASILY RELEASE THOSE WITH INABILITY FOR UNITY. NON-PARTICIPATORY IN POPULAR POLARITY. SITTING PEACEFULLY WITHIN EQUANIMITY.” – “KING OF NOTHING” BY JD STAHL

When we are clear about our boundaries, we eliminate the toxic rigidity that causes us to impose our will upon others. When we do not establish boundaries, we protect ourselves from vulnerability. Our fears to vulnerability are a product of not being balanced internally. It is only a sober, balanced mind that is capable of receiving grace. Similarly, when we return to a state of unity consciousness, apologizing becomes irrelevant. Once we can use our awareness in correspondence with both sides of intentional perspectives, both cancel out into a single purpose: balance. In a state of unification, apologizing would be like having our right hand desiring forgiveness for accidentally cutting the left hand. When we occupy both intentional perspectives equally, they cancel each other out completely.

In wave dynamics, this is like creating a deconstructive interference tone to create silence when noise is present. When balance is reached, karma is transcended, and the being is reborn into an identity that no longer maintains its association with the previous version of itself—the one which initially committed the offense. It is only when we introduce bias or separation that we distance ourselves from others. This causes us to fall from empathy and introduce sympathy as a means to maintain subjective distance, allowing us to avoid acknowledging the internal pain that coincides with another.

“INSIDE LONG WATCHFUL DISTANCE, THE BUTTERFLIES LEAD US TO GAZE.” – “PROPHECY 21” BY JD STAHL

Part of the reason that we often feel more comfortable with the opposite gender is because we do not feel required to compete with them—or that we automatically view them as subjectively distant because of their biological differences. However, from the perspective of the soul, all things become equal. When we are able to recognize ourselves in another and associate this connection with love and appreciation, it causes our solar plexus (abdomen or stomach area) to vibrate. Many of us call this “getting butterflies.”

On the opposite side of the preference polarity is rejection, denial, or refusal. The soul experiences a discomforting “pain” whenever we introduce separation, subjectivity, or otherwise exchange empathy for sympathy. We get “sick to our stomach” when we introduce distance between ourselves and others, deep-down knowing that we are actually rejecting a portion of ourselves in the process. Though judging another often gives our ego a sense of power or control, it is only as temporary as smoking a cigarette. Breaking our deeply-seeded dependencies to judge others based on their gender or preferred identities can be incredibly difficult for those who use their physical identities to maintain a sense of self-awareness, belonging, or inherent worth.

The Double-Dutch Buster

“SO, TOO, MAN WILL BE FORCED TO DEVELOP HIS FEMININE SIDE, TO OPEN HIS EYES TO THE PSYCHE AND TO EROS. IT IS A TASK HE CANNOT AVOID, UNLESS HE PREFERS TO GO TRAILING AFTER WOMAN IN A HOPELESSLY BOYISH FASHION, WORSHIPPING FROM AFAR BUT ALWAYS IN DANGER OF BEING STOWED AWAY IN HER POCKET.” – CARL JUNG

Since I never really grew up in an environment where aggression was either welcomed or regularly practiced, any expression of forced masculinity made me uncomfortable. This discomfort caused me to recoil back towards more feminine sensitivities—emotionally and physically. However, because this created an imbalance in my ability to channel my free will, the universe had to step in to introduce real-life situations that would allow me to renegotiate my balance within these two gender polarities. As a means to create balance, the environment conspires to reflect upon us the opposing force of our internal tensions created by our proclivities and preferences.

However, because I was fearful of my aggressive tendencies, I made sure to be cognizant of them, causing me to actively suppress them. This suppression created internal tension. Even though it may have been seen as self-control, it wasn't. I was attached to the belief that those energies were worthy of shame or guilt—not just seeing them as energies that can be directed during the proper time to maintain my sense of authenticity or sovereignty.

Suppressing emotions, curiosities, desires, or resentment takes energy. To balance out that energy, our subconscious “produces” a stage-like environment where we can participate in live-action subjectivity. Fortunately, any energy that exists in duality leaves “holes” in our subconscious mind where exceptions are made. Eventually, we “find ourselves” in certain situations—seemingly by “accident.” Every one of these “accidents” are actually a short- or long-term script that is intended to yield grace—at least once we can unify the opposing forces and transcend our subjectivity.

“NOW IF THEN WE CANNOT DESCRIBE THE BEHAVIOR OF ORGANISMS WITHOUT AT THE SAME TIME DESCRIBING THE BEHAVIOR OF THEIR ENVIRONMENTS WE SHOULD REALIZE THAT WE HAVE A NEW ENTITY OF DESCRIPTION. NOT THE INDIVIDUAL ORGANISM ALONE BUT WHAT WOULD NOW BE CALLED A FIELD OF BEHAVIOR WHICH WE MUST CALL RATHER CLUMSILY THE “ORGANISM-ENVIRONMENT.” YOU GO WITH YOUR ENVIRONMENT IN THE SAME WAY AS YOUR HEAD GOES WITH THE REST OF YOUR BODY.” – ALAN WATTS

When we stop labeling certain events as “accidents” and, instead, realize that they are divinely introduced into our lives to help us, problems cease to be problems; they become lessons or experiences. Similarly, when we stop seeking blame or credit, we find purpose. The “body” of energy (internal and external) are unified into a single entity-environment—an interdependent “whole.” By not introducing duality or polarity into a situation, we are able to manipulate the energy of every event so that it serves us, calling forth grace and strengthening our resolve.

Unfortunately, many of us can feel “lost” in the vast sea of our own preferences. When we don't recognize these preferences as temporary self-created defense mechanisms (illusions), many will attempt to seek comfort by introducing duality (separation or sin) to sooth the discomfort they feel in states of vulnerability. Hiding behind our ego perpetuates separation (sin), suffering, and fades the presence of empathy in exchange for sympathy.

“I LAY IN PATTERNS AND POOLS I PLAY. IN CONSCIENCE, SUBCONSCIOUS, PAINTING THE FLIP-BOOK PAGES OF THIS OVERPRICED CHARADE, I’VE CREATED, THEN COMPLAINED OF EVERY PORTRAYED POTENTIAL I’VE LACKED OR RESTRAINED.” – “UNDERSTUDY” BY JD STAHL

Each of us are directors to our own movie, hiding behind actors who often hide behind their characters who then make attempts to hide behind the drama that was written into the script with “divine” intentions to thrust us towards the blissful justice of universal balance. Every event that occurs in our lives is another stage inspired by our destiny. In this movie, we are always cast in the lead role. Every opportunity that we are offered is yet another answered prayer that was spoken in the silence behind our conscious awareness. Every scene has been inspired by a dream that we had the night before.

No matter how we act upon our free will in these moments, there are no mistakes. Every possible iterative response is always accounted for; each of them has their own perfected future plans that will offer us—yet again—more opportunities to hone our moral character and overarching perspective of reality. We will repeat the patterned plot of these scenes until we have worked out all of the bugs in our coding and character development can be established. When all karmic energies have been eliminated in these patterns, the director calls a “cut” and then moves to the next scene in our soul's hero journey script.

This process is how we cleanse our character's moral coding (operating system of morality) back to is most simplified state of purity. The closer we approach this state of simplicity, the more we empower our personal sovereignty. By engaging in different experiences with variable degrees of subjectivity, we will (hopefully) eventually return to our Brahmanic state (Satcitananda). When we go “beyond knowing,” we will reach a state of “being.” This state is the actively conscious state of blind faith in complete correspondence with a unified intention—purpose. Our purpose, therefore, is to be able to remain true to ourselves under any circumstances—without being codependent on comparisons or competing. The director will continue to call for additional “takes” until the character has developed in accordance with our dharma (character's role in the movie).

Getting to Alpha from Beta

“DOMINANCE RANK IS PREDICTIVE OF ACCESS TO DESIRABLE FOOD ITEMS (E.G., KILLS), PREFERRED RESTING SITES, SOCIAL GROOMING, AND MATING OPPORTUNITIES. IMPORTANTLY, WHEN THE HIERARCHY IS STABLE, DOMINANT MALES HAVE CONSIDERABLE CONTROL AND PREDICTABILITY IN THEIR LIVES, AS WELL AS AMPLE OUTLETS FOR FRUSTRATION SUCH AS SOCIAL GROOMING, OR DISPLACING AGGRESSION ONTO A LOWER-RANKING INDIVIDUAL. IN CONTRAST, UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES, SOCIAL SUBORDINATION IS MARKED BY A DISPROPORTIONATE SHARE OF STRESSORS. TYPICALLY, ATTAINING HIGH RANK INVOLVES ESCALATED AGGRESSION; SAVANNAH BABOONS HAVE AMONG THE HIGHEST RATES OF AGGRESSION OF ANY PRIMATE AND AN INDIVIDUAL TYPICALLY RISES IN RANK (AND, IN PARTICULAR, ACHIEVES ALPHA STATUS) BY DECISIVELY WINNING A KEY FIGHT. BY CONTRAST, MAINTAINING HIGH RANK IS MORE DEPENDENT UPON SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE, SKILL AT FORMING OF COALITIONS, PSYCHOLOGICAL INTIMIDATION, AND IMPULSE CONTROL (I.E., IGNORING SOME PROVOCATIONS).” – ROBERT SAPOLSKY

One morning, I got on the bus to attend school just as I would every other day. However, this day was different. While I was on the bus, looking for my seat, there was a boy near my usual seat that I did not recognize. As I was walking to the back seats, the bus started to pull away. I used the momentum of acceleration to plop down onto one the empty navy green vinyl seats near a few of my acquaintances.

All of my usual friends were already occupied, engaged in a conversation that seemed to be centered around this strange new boy. Normally, whenever anyone would walk on the bus, every single eye would shift focus to who had just boarded. Every day, I had prepared for the gauntlet of eyes that would feast upon me. Like every other day, I readied myself for the eyeshots of a seemingly endless list of discriminative observations. I was able to recognize the importance of these repetitive first-impressions—just as I would if I had started a new level on one of my computer games.

When we ready ourselves for these situations, we are doing so out of self-defense or at the very least to maintain a position in the group that will best serve us. In these moments, everyone is “measured” to assess their capacity to challenge or contribute to the position of another in the group. Before we even view others from an emotional perspective, in the unconscious flashes of our mind, we discriminate them to see if any of our fears are valid. It is only after we make these discernments that we can then decide whether or not we can establish trust and lower our defenses.

Any living creature who learns to establish their rational perception to discern between what is safe and what is potentially dangerous will make these discernments—whether we are cognizant of it or not. All animals do this as a general practice to gauge their position on the “Alpha” channel of telepathic awareness. When a dominant Alpha has been established in each moment, the veritable hand that controls the puppet strings of the others is established.

Those who have empowered their Alpha “channel” will broadcast brain wave frequencies between 6-8hz, establishing coherence with the Earth's electromagnetic rhythm. In a sense, they have “joined the group conversation” with others who have similarly established Alpha dominance. The more their consciousness expands to greater levels of awareness (in balance), the greater their broadcast signal is amplified and the more influence they will have. Their telepathic influence will then be transmitted to the subjective systems and hierarchies that maintain lower positions in the Alpha channel bandwidth.

“SO NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. OR WHO YOU GONNA LOVE BY YOUR LOVER. LOVE PUT ME WISE TO HER LOVE IN DISGUISE. SHE HAD THE BODY OF A VENUS. LORD, IMAGINE MY SURPRISE.” – “DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY” BY AEROSMITH

All human beings (both male and female) subconsciously negotiate their position in various hierarchies as a means to eliminate stress and release defensive rigidity. It is important to note that females and males act out of their masculine dominance whenever they use their energy to create, structure, shape, impose, or control energy. When we act out of our feminine dominance, we “serve” our energy to others with open hearts, absent of conditions, expectations, limits, requirements, or otherwise. Just because someone identifies with a specific gender, it doesn't mean that they won't attempt to use their external appearance to exact dominance with masculine tendencies.

It is a bias towards the masculine that attempts to create laws, enforce mandates, or limit freedoms; it is primarily feminine to support, fuel, inspire, nurture, or guide—without actively or passively imposing their will (consciously or subconsciously) unto another. The feminine won't even make you feel that going against her guidance is worthy of shame or guilt; these unexpressed expectations would be an example of passive aggression—which is a karmic offense.

Until we become conscious of our ecological relationship with these energies, we will be challenged with situations where we act out of our normal character. Until we realize that we allow others to dominate us by maintaining a moral code that is inconsistent or hypocritical, these situations will plague us and cause confusion, suffering, and loss. However, each of these experiences are opportunities that will eventually lead us to a level of conscious awareness where we can alter our belief systems, moral coding.

Free Bowl of Alpha-Beta Soup for Busted MC's (Military-Industrial Complexes)

“VALIDATED FEARS IN A COMMERCIAL GENOCIDE. CHARACTER. AUTHENTICITY. INDIVIDUALISM. RAPED BY POPULARITY AND A FRIENDLY PAT ON THE BACK. FED BY A NOD OF APPROVAL. COMMUNION. PROGRESSIVE STARVATION. INDIFFERENCE. DEATH” – “GOODBYE, FRIEND” BY JD STAHL

It takes a perfect (conscious) balance between masculine and feminine energies in order to reach attain true Alpha rank—one that is not founded upon bias or inequity. When one establishes their rank as a true Alpha, nothing needs to be enforced or imposed (literally and figuratively). The mere presence of these beings calls others to confront their own biases and insecurities. Unfortunately, when lower-grade Alphas abuse their position, evils will be perpetuated unto those who have been manipulated by mere subjective supremacy. These “idols” that we identify by using comparison instead of intuitive guidance only lead us to trade our sovereign power for worthless assurances that guide us away from balance—the home of our spiritual cohesion.

Simply put, those who are insecure or subject to fears and emotionality will very easily cling to anyone who appears to be “above” them, even if their present models are not true Alphas. As a result, large portions of the population force themselves to accept authority as truth rather than establishing truth as the only valid authority. The reason that this polarity system exists is because many do not identify independence as an option. Instead of waiting for truth to become apparent, we can feel pressured or intimidated to just “pick a side,” even if every option maintains biases or other inconsistencies. Such cases of intimidation occur via the military-industrial complex, religious institutions, political influence, age, gender, status, social groups, or any other possible expression of comparative worth/value.

“'CAUSE THEY CAN'T GO, SO I'MMA CALL A HO TOW TRUCK TO COME TOW TRUCK YOUR WEAK SIDE SHOW.” – “HEADBANGER” BY EPMD

The closer we get to the rank of Alpha, the less energy we “waste” in rigid defenses and the more we can delegate to our powers of manifestation (creation). The difficulty in maintaining an Alpha rank is often attributed to not being able to handle the sheer amount of power that comes with it. It takes an incredible amount of self-control to be able to maintain dominance and use it to shepherd others through a balanced central “gate.” In these cases, those who are able to responsibly maintain a true Alpha dominance must not only sacrifice attachments to ego, gender, physical identity, and spiritual materialism, but will also place a priority on truth, not consistency.

Abusing Alpha dominance often expresses itself through greed, power dynamics, keeping secrets or withholding truths from subjective populations. These abuses can be effected through government, religion, military-industrial complexes, capitalism, and any other system that claims authority and enforces it through cooperative enforcement agencies (municipality, news media, healthcare, monetary systems, etc.).

True Alphas, on the other hand, will merely reflect reciprocally-opposite energies to people as a means to call forth the remaining emotional attachments that remain. As people lose their composure to their reactivity, people offer themselves a glimpse at where they still require “work” or development towards balance. Until our blind obedience to pre-programmed emotional responses can be sacrificed along with our ego personas, we will continue to waste our energy on rigid defense mechanisms, social posturing, and forced ignorance on our true authenticity.

Eye-Sea University

“WELL HERE'S ANOTHER PLACE YOU CAN GO WHERE EVERYTHING FLOWS. LOOKING THROUGH THE BENT-BACKED TULIPS TO SEE HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVE.” – “GLASS ONION” BY THE BEATLES

When I walked to the back of the bus and nobody really paid attention to me, I was able to save those energies that I had previously used to defend myself. Absent of rigidity, all of those “readied” energies remained in a reservoir of power inside me. It was like someone had paid my emotional “rent” for me. The amount that I saved from emotional self-defense could be “spent” towards any other possible expression of energy in that moment—or saved for a later moment in time.

Because I was not cognizant of this extra energy, it was very easy for it to pique my excitement and enthusiasm. Subconsciously, these energies often fall to the quality that we perceive as our lowest—or weakest—areas of our subconscious. For me, the surplus fell into the bezel of my insecurities. So, while everyone in the back of the bus was paying attention to the “new kid,” I felt a rush of confident relief wash over me. No longer did I feel discriminated under the heavy energy of a dozen pair of eyes. I felt free. This rush of energy gave me a sense of power that I had never really felt before. Without the normal stresses that I felt, all of my attention could be focused elsewhere. Though I was not cognizant of the energy shift, I was given the opportunity to see life through Aaron's eyes.

Since I was currently struggling with my masculine tendencies and externalized aggressions, I was given the opportunity to stand in my full masculine power and set aside my internal passive aggressions. These types of events occur for all of us. If we take a step outside of our subjectivity and emotional attachments, every single encounter we have with another can be revealed for its inherent grace. This state—outside our subjectivity and emotional attachments—is what is often meant—and misunderstood—when others tell us not to concern ourselves with the opinions of others. Some of our experiences are meant to show us our full potential; some experiences are meant to break us from our preferences or comforts. Either way, it helps to “see how the other half lives” until there is nothing that remains outside of our “light” of awareness.

The more affected we are by another person, the stronger the soul ties that we establish with them. Because many of these soul ties are based on love (in light or shadow aspects), they are strong enough to extend beyond the spacetime construct. Whenever we maintain biases or favor to people or experiences, it makes it incredibly difficult to identify their purpose. The loss of composure we experience during intense attraction or repulsion is only due to being locked into a linear perception of a time and space. When faced with expanding our conscious awareness outside these limitations, we are required to balance out all systems of polarity: masculine/feminine, internal/external, etc. In order to maintain consistency, we are required to balance the polarities throughout time's complete trinity: past, present, and future. This requirement causes us to seek identification within our complex system of archetypal alignments.

Not only are we attracted to certain people in the present time period, but we are also curiously drawn towards historical personalities as well. Identifying these tangential lines of consistency throughout history will eventually lead us towards being able to discern what is our dharma and what has been accrued from environmental confusion and toxicity. When we are able to develop these long-standing qualities and balance them, all of the non-essential attachments will begin to lose their grip on us. The more we fine-tune our archetypal dharma, the closer we will approach self-mastery in our present trinity of being: body, mind, and (timeless) soul.

“WILL IT COME TO PASS, OR WILL I PASS THE TEST? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, YEAH, THE WICKED GET NO REST. YOU CAN HAVE MY HEART, ANY PLACE, ANY TIME.” – “TROUBLE” BY CAGE THE ELEPHANT

The people and things that call to us are electromagnetically attracted to us (and vice versa) because of these invisible, subatomic, quantum charges that remain from past, present, or even possibly future life situations. Until we make a commitment to our personal consistency in every possible dimension, these karmic ties will remain; they will continue to puppet us throughout our lives until we are conscious of their PURPOSE, not necessarily the details of each subjective experience. In order to understand the “how,” we must identify ourselves with/as the “why.”

Every relationship we have—family, friends, coworkers, and even pets—are each meant to lead us towards our divine balance. From the absolute perspective, we are meant to honor these relationships—for better or for worse—for the inherent grace that awaits us. This should not necessarily be done to be paired up with a partner, but to transcend the desire for all relationships until they no longer are able to subject us to biases or separation whatsoever. In order to transcend these karmic ties, we are called to experience the opposite side of where we have chosen to find comfort—until we are able to stand anywhere and still find consistency. Every attachment we maintain to preference is another class we must take in order to eventually “pass” the “test of time.”

The more we ascend towards Unity Consciousness, the more challenging it becomes to balance our human subjectivity and spiritual objectivity. As a means to strengthen our resolve in every possible life situation, we are called to experience people, places, and things until we burn away all that does not “resonate” with our soul's most authentic expression: the “tone,” the balanced position (throne) where our highest self can be realized. Because this position of eternal balance is sourced from outside time and space, it is not something that we can claim or possess. Instead, the tone (throne) is something that we can only BECOME—but only as it becomes us at the same rate.

Opening our heart without clinging is what allows us to reconcile both physical and non-physical worlds; this is the state where the chicken and egg are equal. This is where “being” and “becoming” (birth and death) are two sides of the same coin—the “currency” of unified existence. When we are outside of this transcendent balance, we spend this currency to purchase karmic experiences that will introduce us to what is suppressed in the deepest areas of our subconscious.

Passionate Aggression

“WALKING HIGH AND MIGHTY LIKE SHE'S NUMBER ONE. (SHE THINKS SHE'S THE PASSIONATE ONE).” – “HEY LADIES” BY JD STAHL

For about a minute or two, I listened to how the other kids on the bus were talking to the new boy. All of them seemed to be picking on him, cracking jokes, and making fun of his appearance—or possibly because he was a year below them. As children, sometimes all it takes is the mere presence of an unavoidable difference to release an onslaught of deeply-seeded aggression on another. If we can use age—some use race, appearance, gender, or any other difference that they were led to believe was not a component of their “master race” subculture or set of qualities that they have been raised to perceive as exclusively acceptable. As unfortunate as this may be, each one accounts for an imbalance that remains hidden within the psyche. All of our hatred is sourced essentially from the same place; we only choose to express it in different ways and to various degrees. All of the events in our lives have been created to call these imbalances to the proverbial carpet so that they can eventually be eliminated.

Awash with enough adrenaline to lose my composure, I drunkenly laughed along with them. I was so excited to feel this new level of confidence that I never even considered anyone's feelings but my own. In this moment, I stepped outside of the prison of introspection and freely observed others around me. These other boys looked happy, reveling in their laughter without either hesitation or fear. They looked powerful—seemingly in control of the entire universe in every single moment. From underneath their 1980's haircuts, their brains were broadcasting out an Alpha frequency that I received and channeled as if it were my own.

“IF YOU ARE A BULLY, TREAT ME GOOD. IF YOU ARE A BULLY, A BULLY, I BEG YOU TREAT ME GOOD. I'M LIKE A STEPPING RAZOR. DON'T YOU WATCH MY SIZE. I'M DANGEROUS, DANGEROUS.” – “STEPPIN' RAZOR” BY PETER TOSH

As I attuned my sense of confidence to the aggressive vibrations of the other boys, I was able to recognize their familiarity. It was the same fearlessness that I had previously been afraid to explore. The faces of the other boys were wrapped tightly with self-righteousness, projecting sardonic smiles and condescending humor upon what appeared to be an innocent bystander. Unfortunately, I was too consumed by a drug-like intoxication of power to establish conscious empathy with this unsuspecting boy. I just stared at him while he desperately tried to hide behind his gold-rimmed glasses.

Eventually, the intrigue became too much for me to hold back. With unrelenting curiosity, I joined the conversation, extending my words like arrows towards the human target. Even though my vocabulary was very limited at that age, it really didn't matter. Still connected to our telepathic senses, much of what children express is still wielded with a force that is greater than both words and nonverbal cues. A simple joke that poked fun at the name of the other boy was enough to get him to start tearing up from behind his glasses.

“THE SMILE THAT I'M SPORTIN' IS ESSENTIAL. A MIND FULL OF RAZORS. IN SECONDS I'LL MAKE YOU WANNA LEAVE. INTERNAL BLEEDING. ANOTHER FUNERAL FOR MY POTENTIAL. FOR YOU TO BE ME.” – “4U2BME” BY JD STAHL

Immediately, I felt conflicted. With the same amount of force that I extended towards this boy behind my insensitive words, I was returned with an equal karmic response. He didn't have to say anything back; in his tears I could feel a part of myself tear apart from behind my chest. I could feel my heart break while I tried to play off the confusion with a smile. Eventually, the conflict between pain and pleasure became so great that my innocent smile shifted into a sardonic grin. There was no way that I could be genuinely happy at the same time I was feeling such pain.

It wasn't soon after this event that the bus had pulled into the school parking lot. When the door opened, I shifted back into my normal operating personality. However, when I was released from the environmental Alpha broadcast, I quickly realized that my actions were completely out of my normal character. It was difficult to reconcile recent actions with my feelings as I processed the events through my moral code. In fact, they were so much in conflict that I did my best to brush them under the rug and pretend that the entire event had never happened.

Fortunately, I was at least honest with myself to realize that I was immediately regretful of how I treated that innocent boy. Yet, at the same time, I was afraid that if I would have been honest about my regret that the other boys would look down on me and I would be “dethroned” from the position of Alpha by the other boys—including the boy that I had bullied. I feared that he would, in turn, take advantage of my recanting as an opportunity to hurt me.

“YET DEEP IT SHALL GO, AWAITING THE WAVES AND UNDERTOWS. DEEPLY DEEP, FEEDING THE SEEDS WE’LL SOW. PERHAPS THEY WILL NEVER KNOW?” – “US” BY JD STAHL

Even though I probably deserved his backlash, I chose to protect my ego so that I could avoid the discomfort of vulnerability. In our defense, it is instinctual to pull our hands away from a hot stove burner. In the same way, we often pull away from being honest because we have fear that doing so will cause us to experience pain. However, the longer that we defend ourselves from illusory fears instead of taking responsibility for our actions, the more we solidify our identification with our ego and not our sovereign authenticity. In a sense, we create imbalances because we are too afraid to admit that we were afraid.

When I stepped off the bus, I convinced myself that nothing would come of the situation. Even though I regretted my actions, it didn't necessarily mean that it had sunk into my subconscious far enough that I wouldn't be curious to do something similar in the future. I would have to completely resign myself to accepting full responsibility before I could be sure that I had released every level of self-defense rigidity. In a sense, vulnerability is like achieving full sobriety from a specific drug. Until we are able to fully resign ourselves, there are levels of patterns that can cause us to reach out for replacements in different forms.

The more we release our control or actively attempt to suppress internal conflict, the more that the universe will respond to enforce opposing energies upon us. If we try to “bypass” these spiritual lessons, the greater the possibility that these deeply-seeded energies will sprout again, causing us to repeat similar experiences until our actions no longer require conscious consideration, but are more a “natural” expression of our energy within a situation. At the deepest level, we must be willing to recognize that all of our projected energies are sourced internally. Even if I could learn that bullying others was not something that I wanted to be known for, it didn't mean that I wasn't capable of bullying myself via negative self-talk.

When we suppress these energies or try to deny them, then only find alternative ways of expressing themselves. Needing to account for these repressed energies is what makes things like shadow work, meditation, and other yogic practices essential. Each of these methods offer us a way in which we can temporarily reclaim our free will and reclaim our energy of sovereignty. When we reach this sovereignty, the methods can be set aside as we develop the capacity to remain conscious of these higher states. Until we are able to do this without dependencies on external circumstances, these repressed unconscious energies will continue to project karma (energies of action) upon others.

Disciplinary Action Items

“ABSENCE OF EMOTION. INCOMPLETE DEVOTION. IN NEED OF A DISTRACTION FROM THE PAIN I FEEL INSIDE.” – “DENY” BY JD STAHL  

The rest of the school day, I did my best to pretend that nothing had happened. However, even though nobody seemed to know what occurred on the bus, every time that I looked at another person it felt as if they knew—and they were judging me for it. My subconscious guilt and shame mirrored back at me in the eyes of everyone I saw. No matter where I tried to run, my subconscious caught up to me and delivered penance from inside-out. Even when I got home, I looked at my parents through lenses of regret, wondering what they would think of me if they knew how I had treated the boy on the bus.

Though others may not have been consciously aware of the events earlier in the day, I was. I felt uncomfortable and somewhat paranoid because I was looking at them from the perspective of my conscience (the witness). This is the plane of absolute truth, where everyone knows everything. So, whoever I would encounter, whenever I looked at them, I was connecting to a version of their consciousness that was the same all-seeing-eyes (omniscience) that every living being has at their core. I created a paranoid sense of guilt and shame whenever I lent my energy towards this other side of conscious awareness. Doing so will manifest the presence of truth itself to “judge” or gauge the distance between our present state and our highest state of purity and balance.

I did my best to suppress my feelings. Unfortunately, doing so required me to seek external validation for my actions. Doing so never eliminates the problem; it only buries it underneath a temporary disguise. Eventually, my nerves settled and I went to bed. The next day when I got on the bus, I just sat quietly by myself. The kid that was on the bus the day before was gone. As a result, I became nervous. Immediately, I thought of all of the ways I could escape my discomfort. Something inside of me was unable to settle until I could find peace. I was locked into a state of paranoia, waiting on the axe to fall.

Run of the Humility

“APOLOGIES, SO HOLLOW. JUSTICE WILL NOT DO. MY PRIORITIES, EVER SELFISH, HAVE QUITE SHOWN THROUGH. I’VE GIVEN UP MY TIME, SEEMINGLY FOR ONLY MYSELF. AND THERE IS TOO LITTLE LEFT, TO GIVE WHAT’S DESERVED TO YOU.” – “APOLOGIES” BY JD STAHL

Almost immediately after I arrived at school, I was called to the principal's office. Instinctually, I froze up. While I negotiated my vulnerability in that moment, I vacillated between both fear and anger. Even though I had a subconscious desire to right the situation and apologize, I was frustrated at the idea that the boy I bullied had tattled on me. When I got to the principal's office, however, all of my false bravado and posturing fell away and I became docile.

With my tail between my legs, I walked in and sat down. The principal looked me straight in the eye and sternly asked, “Do you really want to be a bully?” Being that my father rarely raised his voice or spoke with strong emotions when he disciplined me, I was shaken to my core. His question and forthcoming tone were enough to force tears from my eyes. As I began to cry, I could feel time stop, imprinting a memory of deep remorse that would further solidify the karmic reactivity of that moment. Without the impact of his delivery, I may not have been able to be shaken outside the limits of my subjective world—at least enough to force a permanent change in my future.

Before I left his office, the principal told me to apologize to the boy I bullied. I agreed to do so, and with tears still running down my face, I walked out of his office. The boy was sitting in the chair right outside the door. The two of us immediately made eye contact. He was no longer crying; instead, he looked angry. Instinctively, I felt myself becoming defensive to his anger, but then I realized that he had every right to look upon me with disdain. With tears still drying in my eyes, and a choking hesitation, mid-cry, I told him that I was sorry for what I had done—and I meant it.

Even after I apologized with sincerity, the boy was still angry with me. His body language was less than empathic. He gave me a look as if to say, “Well, you should be.” In that moment, I realized that forgiveness wasn't necessarily something that he could offer me that I couldn't give myself. After all, I was sincerely apologetic for my actions. The person who made fun of him 24 hours ago had died the moment my tears fell to the floor in the principal's office. My humility reigned supreme the minute that I became conscious of my personal responsibility, solidified when I didn't become defensive to his anger towards me.

Not only was I able to release the part of myself that had acted spitefully, but I also recognized that I was susceptible to the same aggressions that so many others had previously projected upon me. The alchemical process of transmuting sympathy into empathy was complete and eliminated any requirement for forgiveness to be supplied externally. This result was accomplished the very moment that I channeled my conscious free will towards identifying with both sides of the conflict. Asking for forgiveness wasn't even a consideration from this perspective—the plane of awareness where the boy and I were the same entity, viewing the divine self through two pairs of eyes.

Begrudgingly, the boy eventually told me that he forgave me. Whether he was sincere or not no longer mattered—because I had already forgiven myself in the moment that I transcended our duality. Behind the boy's scrunched face and defensive demeanor, I recognized a version of myself that often held on to the power of a moment so that I could escape the discomfort of vulnerability. When I saw the boy resort to his own personal self-defense mechanisms, I stopped crying, knowing that the lesson had ended and the boy took control over his own free will and chose to create duality. After knowing that I had resigned my control over to him, that was all that the universe needed to cut the karmic cords. After that point, all the energy he expended to project on me was entirely his own.

I walked out of the front office and proceeded to follow the black hallway tiles down to my classroom to join the other kids. I wiped my eyes dry to ensure that others wouldn't know that I was crying. As I composed myself, I felt completely free—exonerated. Without doubt or hesitation, I knew that my honesty outweighed the entire incident. Not only was I able to be honest with the boy on the bus, but I was honest with myself—enough to recognize the underlying empathy that exposed the synchronicity of this life lesson. I had completely resigned myself to such a degree that I completely sacrificed my ego.

In that momentary “death,” I reestablished myself—in truth—to a higher, more conscious state of awareness. The power that I felt in this moment was so much greater than what I had experienced while I harassed and intimidated the unsuspecting boy on the bus. By the time that I got back to my classroom, I actually felt sorry for the boy because I knew that he was still choosing to hold onto his anger rather than releasing it. Then again, he was probably experiencing the same universal lesson that I had just completed—from a different perspective. While I chose to transcend karma with humility, he chose to cling to it as a means to defend himself against his own demons—of which I knew nothing. Fortunately for me, I was sensitive enough to have these karmic energies so that I was motivated to eliminate them—even I had to humble myself and “kill” my ego's attempt to defend itself.

Forgiveness

JD Stahl (06/28/2019) And then I realized The same look of disgust That I saw in their faces Was the same look That I occasionally saw In the mirror, Behind this smile. And so I forgave them, So I could forgive myself. And then I began, Again.

Sticks and Cornerstones

“WILL YOU EVER KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO RUN FROM ONE SIDE OF YOURSELF TO THE OTHER WITHOUT FALLING? WILL THEY EVER MEET…AGAIN? I LOOK ABOVE FOR ANSWERS, AND I WILL GET THEM…LATER. I KNOW BUT ONE THING: IF YOU CAN’T COUNT ON YOURSELF TO KNOW WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND WHERE OR WHO YOU ARE NOW.” – “LOOPER” BY JD STAHL

As torturous as instant karma feels, it can also be the greatest teacher—if we are strong enough to burn away our illusions and false personas. I hated the feeling of being seen as a bully. I hated knowing that I was to blame for the pain I had caused myself and others. Being betrayed by my own lack of self-control in response to fears was far worse than experiencing other people project onto me their own insecurities. I saw that greater strength was reserved for the conscious awareness that was a direct product of looking beyond surface-level disguises and reactivity. I just learned, first-hand, exactly how much pain was involved in remaining attached to hatred, anger, and spite. Not only could I sympathize with the child-self buried underneath misdirected pain, but I could also establish enough empathy to rescue my own victimized self from behind the silence of similar moments that occurred in the past.

When the school day ended and I returned home, I found that my parents had been alerted to the situation. They knew that I had been pulled into the principal's office. I told them the entire story—from the bus ride to the walk back to my classroom after I had apologized. Because I was honest with myself, I no longer felt the presence of shame that would normally give me pause or create some type of favorable bias. I told the story as if it was about someone else, proving that the person I was in that moment was completely different than the one who took part.

I think my parents were surprised at how forthcoming I was about my actions and about the vulnerability I had to endure by humbling myself. Even though I couldn't verbalize the fragmentation caused by the childhood abandonment of my god-self (Brahmanic identity), the source of my explanation was clear. My contrition was received well; it even seemed to satisfy my father's inherent lie-detecting skills. However, I didn't even wait for their approval or validation; I didn't need it. I was unable to make comparisons between who I wanted to be and who I was in the moment, only because in this moment they were the same.

Spiting Images (In the Mirror)

“MY REFLECTION, DIRTY MIRROR. THERE'S NO CONNECTION TO MYSELF. I'M YOUR LOVER; I'M YOUR ZERO. I'M THE FACE IN YOUR DREAMS OF GLASS.” – “ZERO” BY SMASHING PUMPKINS

I learned how it actually felt to hurt someone; and when I wasn't trying to defend myself or deny my feelings, I realized just how much that it hurt. I compared the pain to how I felt when I was made fun of by another person, and I was unable to compare the two. On one hand, I knew that I was at fault for my own actions.

The betrayal I was feeling was entirely of my own creation. On the other hand, my expectations of another person were not met, only leading me to experience disappointment. When I looked at both situations, suffering the words and actions of another was the only situation over which I had control—at least in how I chose to respond. But allowing myself to spitefully hurt another person because I was jealous, afraid, or otherwise attempting to bring someone else down was a situation that I could not explain away or rationalize with whatever moral perspective I chose. None of my archetypes could be validated in the case of spite.

My observations of my own actions and emotions caused me to think about Aaron. I wondered just how much he must struggle with his own attempts to discern the difference between spite and emotional self-defense. The struggle that each of us endures while trying to negotiate our place between good and evil can so easily cause us to lose our balance and fall into our coping mechanisms, attachments, addictions, or longing for validation.

“THE SOUL AGES FROM THE END TO THE BEGINNING. THAT’S WHY CHILDREN ARE FILLED WITH WONDER. BUT AS OUR BODIES DO DECAY—THEY DO. WE NEGOTIATE ABSOLUTION, HOLDING US UNDER.” – “ABSOLUTION” BY JD STAHL

Though our pain and suffering are often attributed to our actions or alternatively blamed on those who are involved, the source of this pain stems directly from a deeply-seeded self-hatred in the knowing that we betrayed the part of ourselves that we knew would save us from our own illusions. When we act on spite, we injure hope, choke faith, and slam the door to our own hearts. Even when we look in the mirror, we can't help but resent the one who disconnected us to our own personal savior—to truth and love itself.

This situation is the source of our deepest wound as children. In fact, much of what we endeavor to do in our lives can be attributed to be the very balancing force that we feel is required to outweigh the fact that we betrayed ourselves. When we feel we are losing this battle, we turn outwards to locate or create an abuser that will give us permanent or temporary relief from inevitable realization that we were the one who abandoned ourselves at a time when we were God incarnate. After this moment, our physical memory fragments, establish itself in chunks of rationality so that we can negotiate our balance between good and evil, hoping that one day we will fill the gaping hole in our hearts with something that doesn't require us to take responsibility for sacrificing God's unconditional love to our own irrational fears.

Legendary Kings of Self-Authorship

“TO ASSUME, BUT IS THIS NOT TO DIE? TO KILL DREAMS WHILE SWALLOWING MY PRIDE, LIKE THIS SWORD. YET, HAVE WE NOT BOTH WAITED, BATED, IN THE COMPANY OF OUR OWN DOUBT AND DISMAY? SUSPENDED IN WORDPLAY?” – “UNSTOPPABLE FORCES” BY JD STAHL

Whenever we feel forced to take responsibility for things that we have not yet been able to establish empathic reasoning, we allow the rigidity of our self-defense mechanisms to lead our conversations. These energies take over the narrative, often creating bias, denial, or half-truth explanations. Simply because we are still playing a balancing game with the universe to protect us from ever having to face the fact that we abandoned our divinity, adding any amount of guilt or blame to that burden stimulates a part of our brain that is linked to physical death. Since we have established our personal identity as our limited physical selves, our ego becomes protected by the same response mechanism that we call forth if our physical lives were, themselves, in danger.

Though it is healthy to endeavor to create a healthy ego in order to function in a collective environment, to lose our ability to identify outside of those limitations only serves to repeatedly abandon our own divinity in exchange for temporary sources of salvation. These holes in our heart can never be filled by anything or anyone in the external world. They can only be satisfied by the unconditional love that we once disregarded in a momentary hesitation. It could take people multiple lifetimes to overcome the fears that prevent us from returning to our Kingdom. However, if we are willing to see beyond our physical identities and egos in any moment, we could reduce our redemptive process to approach absolute zero. In an instant, we can find purpose behind the heavy “weight” of misdirected energy that we often use to create shame, guilt, or unworthiness.

In a sense, when we choose to find purpose instead of either blame or credit, we release our attachments to that which cannot be changed. By letting go of the idea that anyone is in control of how we feel, we are offered the opportunity to discover that our own feelings are not who we are. Feelings are just as much of an experience as the physical stages that we have acted upon to practice our human experience. As we make changes and updates to our programming code and morality, we shed older versions of ourselves entirely. We forgive ourselves completely. Knowing that we are always interdependent with our environment helps us to reconcile our judgment with our own truth—independent of anything or anyone else.

“INDIVIDUALITY AND ANSWERS OF 'ME.' IN THIS MUTINY, STERN TO BOW, I MUST FIND THIS DIVINE IDENTITY. I KNOW NOW I’M DEAF TO QUESTIONS HOW. SOOTHE AND CALM YOUR HUMANITY. YOU ARE NOT DEAF TO THOSE YOU SEE. I PROMISE MY ETERNAL COMPANY, ONCE YOU SACRIFICE YOUR PRIVACY.” – “ASSIGN THE MUTINY” BY JD STAHL

When we can face our truth without falling backwards into fear or self-defense, we essentially transition to an entirely different timeline. Simply by becoming conscious of our emotions, we change into a completely different version of ourselves—one who is no longer subjective or enslaved by emotional reactivity. Simply by channeling our energy of free will to manifest our locus of consciousness into multiple perspectives, we immediately call back our sovereign power and become objectively “free” from our previous limitations. By doing this consciously, we release ourselves from previous cycles and are thrust into the “next level” or lesson.

The more we are able to resign our ego, the deeper we are able to alter our subconscious programming. Our soul is fed by the objective truth of these lessons. Therefore, the deeper we are able to delve into every moment, the faster our souls will grow and the more power we will derive from every experience. The soul uses these powers of manifestation to heal itself. As the soul heals, so does our rational mind—until both energies (Alpha and Omega frequencies) occupy the same plane of conscious awareness. This is the process of ascension.

When we establish our guidance all the way down to the root IF, THEN, ELSE statement of our primary archetype, all of our lesser personalities are consumed and transmuted into raw energy. This raw energy is then embodied confidently by the new version of ourselves that we just pulled out of the ashes of our humble resignation to truth, compassion, and humility. In essence, we don't use our experience to empower our love, we use what we have learned to return to the state of consciousness where we ARE love—the god-self (Brahman) in the mirror that we previously feared to have “lost” in our childhood. This state of unconditional love and unbearable compassion IS the key to our Kingdom.

The simple truth is that there is nothing more we have to do or be other than establishing our conscious awareness within as many planes as possible. The universe will continue to place us into various situations where we may experience suffering and pain until we are able to balance these polarities consciously. For some, this may take quite a bit of practice. For others, it may be easy. The more we release our addiction to external validation and develop our intuition, this process becomes faster and easier. Many of us unconsciously channel quite a bit of our energy towards rigidity, so much that we rarely ever experience the power of our true potential.

Meddle Urgency

“YOU THINK TWICE? I THINK KNOT.” – “TRIUMPH” BY WU TANG CLAN

For example, if one of our muscles has a knot in it and we try to stretch or have someone press on it to release it, we should never try to fight it at the same time. When we tighten the muscles we are looking to release, the blood flows to those areas and it becomes virtually impossible. We must be willing to relax and resign ourselves to the temporary pain that we must endure in order for the blood to flow out of those areas. We are also unable to stop hiccuping unless we can “scare” ourselves enough to break free from our acknowledgment of them long enough to relax from expectancy.

We must be willing to release ourselves from subjectivity in order for healing to occur at all. Even though it may be painful or difficult to enter states of vulnerability in the face of possible threats, we must proceed. Our free will is entirely proportional to how well we can make these transitions and face them willingly—without falling backwards towards rigidity, defense mechanisms, or ego projections. We don't necessarily have to be happy about it, nor do we have to numb ourselves to our emotional reactivity. By allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and express ourselves without censoring our reactions, we are actually practicing conscious self-love.

“THE BUCK STOPS HERE.” – HARRY S. TRUMAN

However, while we are freely emoting and verbalizing our feelings, we still maintain an awareness that is also conscious of the temporary nature of our feelings. Instead of being locked into identifying ourselves with these emotional reactions, we identify their purpose: necessary releases of suppressed emotions, like “lactic acid” that was built up in muscle knots.” Once tension is released, we are no longer attached to our self-defenses, causing us to relax and recognize both the utility and irrationality of those programmed trauma responses.

The more we feel free to express ourself without shame, guilt, fear, or otherwise, the more trust and faith we will reclaim and transmute back into raw energy. Eventually, our reactions will change because they are no longer front-loaded with suppressed energies that only existed to protect ourselves from feeling shame, guilt, or grief.

“I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT SOMEONE IS LIKE WHO COMES TO ME, LISTENS TO MY WORDS, AND ACTS ON THEM. THAT ONE IS LIKE A MAN BUILDING A HOUSE, WHO DUG DEEPLY AND LAID THE FOUNDATION ON ROCK; WHEN THE FLOOD CAME, THE RIVER BURST AGAINST THAT HOUSE BUT COULD NOT SHAKE IT BECAUSE IT HAD BEEN WELL BUILT. BUT THE ONE WHO LISTENS AND DOES NOT ACT IS LIKE A PERSON WHO BUILT A HOUSE ON THE GROUND WITHOUT A FOUNDATION. WHEN THE RIVER BURST AGAINST IT, IT COLLAPSED AT ONCE AND WAS COMPLETELY DESTROYED.” – LUKE 6:47-49

As we continue to establish our foundation upon self-love, faith, and authenticity, others will heal merely by our example. If we consciously choose to engage with others as a means to help them, we can then allow them to express themselves openly and honestly without making them feel they have to conform to our expectations or preferences. Even if their emotional reactivity is aimed towards us, we resist becoming reactive—passively or aggressively.

Conscious beings no longer take the “bloodletting” process of another personally. We realize that these emotional “floods” are temporary, merely transitional events that will eventually create an opportunity for healing. As more and more toxins are released, the more we can all shape our environment to prioritize healing. Offering ourselves to others with conscious awareness gives them the greatest gift: a karma-free opportunity to heal through us instead of perpetuating their karma or multiplying it by projecting their emotionality on someone who may not be able to rise above it.

Once we are able to maintain conscious awareness while we are suffering and focus on the purpose of the pain, the knot breaks. After that point, we release the defense mechanisms that we previously relied on for protection. The two energies cancel each other out and our fears are transmuted into appreciation (love). Every single time that we are able to “pass” these lessons, the more they build up until our “average mean” that is more and more aligned with our highest self.

Every moment—every experience—always has a possible alternative where grace can be extracted. When we are conscious of these alternatives (this OR that), our conscious discernment becomes the smelting or electrolysis process that one would use to extract the metal from an “ore.” Each “ore” is similar to a computer's “ELSE” statement. These ELSE statements can be changed in order to eliminate redundancies, toxic “bugs” in the code, and eventually return the operating system (morality) back to where our discernment is sharp—like a sword.

As we strengthen our “mettle” to face painful situations, the stronger we will become. Eventually, we become our own “ally” (alloy), strong enough to transition through higher and higher levels of conscious awareness—with ease. Each time we progress through these thresholds, the previous version of ourself “dies” and we are reborn—again and again—as higher expressions of truth, love, and God.

Take Two

JD Stahl (08/02/2016) I'm the multi-headed male. I'm the snake eating its tail. Statistical alien equations. Pertinent information that I gave you. The all-seeing eye. Well, it comes and goes. Caging of the sun, and changing my clothes. Trapped inside the walls, chained to the stalls. Auto-Egyptian mummies are watching it all. How should I feel when my happiness depends on you? To tell you the truth would cease it to be true. Flash your blue eyes for an honorable mention. The things I like least about myself are what I use for attention. Unmatched punished intentions, handed down from Masons. Judgment from legacies and blacklisted from nations. Stuck inside the fishbowl, casting out lines, Writing outlines of clever lines with clever rhymes. Outright lies, our white lines, I'm the outlier. I'm your white knight, dark horse, late night. Dreaming before 3AM; turned black from white. Screaming soul cries, I'm from louder times. I'm the exception. I'm the outlier. Statistical soul fire. I'm the outlier. Boomerang. Bring it back. Mouth smacked. Soldier without a waking war. In my sleep I hear you more. From the rock, I've drawn the sword. Masterpiece, written by our masters, Pieced together words from distant worlds. The greatness within, pours out from under my skin. Open or closed, my eyes still see. Winging birds and family trees, pray to God on my knees. Words are falling, world on the brink. Collapsing sentences, vomit in the sink. Two eyes, double mind, second dreaming Every single thing I do has a double meaning. I'm the exception. I'm the outlier. Statistical soul fire. I'm the outlier.